Sunday, February 25, 2007

A Freudian Walk in the Woods

1. You are not alone. You are walking in the woods. With who?
My ex boyfriend.

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
a skunk

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
it walks near a leafy bush, brushing up against the leaves as I see it, I look at it and it ignores me, I take a step in a parallel direction from its path, it raises its tail slightly but it sees I mean no harm it keeps walking. I muse to myself, "hmmph" in a "Heh, how about that?" sort of way.

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe it.
It is symmetrical in design with two larger parts on the outer sides of the house. The entrance is in the middle, the roof is pitched up in the style of a pagoda with blueish green rounded overlapping tiles. The outside of the house is made of grey and brown stone in various shapes and sizes. There are gardens with beautiful short red Japanese maples and other flowering trees along with Koi ponds and a vegetable garden in the back. There are windows on the front of the house, but the larger ones are in the back and they are more numerous for the sake of privacy. The front door has glass shaped in the diamond pattern that is cut so it shines and glimmers as you pass by, yet you can't really see in. The overall design of the interior is very much like a spanish hacienda where there is a courtyard in the center of the house and the other rooms surround, most of the bedrooms are on the second floor with balconies overlooking the courtyard.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?

6.You enter the house. You walk into the dining room and see a table. What do you see on AND around it?
Two tapered candles, a bowl of fresh fruit are on the table. There are colorful framed pieces of artwork on the walls, red curtains, and a fish tank in the corner. There is an antique buffet meant to hold and prepare the liquor and another table by the window with a white pitcher for decoration or for water.

7. You exit the house a cup is on the ground, what kind is it?

8.What do you do with the cup?
pick it up and throw it away because I hate styrofoam laying on the ground - it lasts forever and dever biodegrades

9.You walk to the edge of the property where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water.
what kind of body of water is it?
a large and deep mountain lake

10. How will you cross the water?
in a canoe with my feet dangling in the water

(If you want to do this test too, don't read the answers below until you've answered the above questions on your own first).

1. The person who you are walking in the woods with is one of the most important people in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems in your life.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems.

4.The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to solve your problems.

5. A lack of a fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence indicates a close personality. You'd prefer people not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did NOT include food, flowers, or people, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with the cup is made of is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward person in #1.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Answer to Everything? He May Have Something There....

(Dakez @ Feb. 24 2007,19:49)
i think humanity has been going downhill since we learned to communicate ideas that went beyond basic daily survival.

LOL I love you Shawn.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I'm So Tired

I think Marilyn is teething.
She wakes up earlier than she used to.
She bites her fingers a lot.
She chews on everything.
She has a runny nose, but you know we just got back from a semi-fun weekend skiing up in the mountains with my husband's family. The skiing was really fun. I love being with my husband. But the in-laws, well, I love the brothers and sisters to death but damn are they a loud bunch. And most of them were sick - yay fun.
So now I'm not feeling perfect - got some drainage down the back of my sinus into my throat.
I think poor baby is getting sick and me not too far behind.
I just took some medicine for night time.
I don't have really horrible symptoms but if I could stop the running it will prevent a sore sinus.
Sigh. In-laws.

Monday, February 12, 2007

My Grandmother is a Clever, Evil Bitch

Hahaha - well that's basically what she is saying by passing this email along to me....

> A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars, there's nothing left of them, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!"

The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police...."

Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with them.

But I don't think she is an evil bitch at all.
As a matter of fact, she's the coolest lady I know!
She's magical! She has a vial of fairy dust, to be sure!
She sprinkles it on the youngest family members who can walk and talk and tells them it's only for special occasions.
Oh how I love her. She's so charming and so funny.
We all call her Nanny.

She tells us every now and then about some cute young man she's seen at a computer class.
She is writing her own memoirs.
She introduced me to The Last Unicorn movie when I was young.
She used to collect crystals.
She always has a smile on her face and the only wrinkles she has are crows feet from all that smiling.
Her laugh is infectious - it is explosive and genuine.
Her eyes get big and round when she is tossing caution or advice at you, but then a smile usually stretches across her face shortly afterward because she is unable to be serious for very long - at least not since her own kids have grown up. Even if she disapproved of something you did, she shows how much love, support and caring she has in her heart and she is rarely judgemental.
Sometimes I like to have a cup of coffee with her or a good stout alcoholic beverage!
She won't drink a wine cooler, she likes a bloody mary, a snifter of liqueur or just a hard liquor and coke.
She doesn't care about counting calories, if she wants a piece of cheesecake or apple pie, gosh darnit, she's gonna have one!
She totally rocks and she knows it!

I don't know what happened to my mom though.
Mom doesn't drink much other than white zinfandel or a wine cooler.
Sure, I mean she'll have a rum and coke from time to time, but usually after any alcohol she gets all sleepy and poops out.
Mom doesn't worry about magic, she just works and works or watches CSI, Law & Order or Survivor.
She loves to work.
She loves to complain about work too, but she sure is a hard worker.
Mom is passive-agressive.
If someone pisses her off, she will get back at them some untraceable or sneaky way, like "accidentally" holding something up so someone's deadline is missed or turning off the coffee pot so that the coffee gets cold. She usually has a back up excuse like "well, I didn't want to have the place burn down."
I am more like Nanny than my mom.
Don't get my wrong, mom does have one trait - one that I picked up actually - that is more aggressive than passive....she looooves to start shit. If mom believes in something or if she feels wronged in some way that has a systematic way of correcting (or inflicting inconvenience or penalty on the wronger) she will go out of her way to do it.
This meaning things like complaining to the Better Business Bureau, calling the wronger company every day until desired results are accomplished or going to whatever authority gives her some sort of satisfaction or compensation.
I do this to the extreme.
It is a very well-known fact that I will send back any plate of food if it is not to my order, has a hair in it, is cold, whatever. (I also take precautions to just get money back as I do not wish to eat a spit-burger).
I will call a bank up and demand refunds for fees on stupid things.
I usually get them.
I keep all of my receipts and I will return an item if it sucks.
But I digress.
At least I learned the importance of balancing a checkbook from my mom.

But my Nanny is more laid back and carefree than my mom.
She loves her two cats, Friday and Valentine.
Nanny wanted to be an actress. So did I, except I realized I was horrible at it and that I made a much better singer. Nanny didn't become one because her mother forbade it - said it was a stupid profession, not very respectable and was no way to live.
Soooo....I'm thinking that maybe this crazy, carefree, fun-loving quirky personality skips every other generation in my family. I guess my daughter will be practical and hard-working, more like her father than me. We'll see. I gotta get my magic fairy dust ready once she figures out what a fairy is.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Running Into One Night Stand Rejects

Another character sketch.

Minnie walked over to the bar to order a drink. As soon as she'd ordered her Sapphire and tonic, she felt a firm tap on her shoulder.
"Well, hello there!" It was Roderick Thomas, an old office acquaintance.

, she thought to herself, an old flickering not-quite-what-you'd-call-a-flame, one night stand, mistake sort of thing.
Oh bother. She stifled a sigh. "Oh, hey there. Roderick! How have you been?" She glanced over at the woman next to him.

"Minnie, yeah, well you know, I'm good!" Roderick placed his hand on the back of the woman's waist, "This is my friend, Giselle."
Yeah right, "friend", he says. Ha!

The woman standing beside him was ridiculously skinny, ridiculously pale and ridiculously tall. She was also wearing ridiculously black clothes with a ridiculous feather hairpiece in her elaborate dark brown bun hair-style that resembled challah-bread more than anything else. Minnie shook her hand and was surprised to feel the warmth of a normal living, breathing human-being coming from her hand. She swore the ice crystals floating on top of her martini were growing rather than melting.

"Charmed, to be sure," Minnie half smiled.
"Hmm," Giselle curtsied.
What is this 1892? Minnie thought. "Well, it was nice seeing you Roderick," she slammed her hand on his shoulder. "I've got to go....someone waiting for me, you know. Bye!" Minnie slammed her drink and exited the bar for home. "So much for meeting new people tonight," she mused.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Customer Service My Ass

Chat InformationPlease wait for a WestHost Representative to respond.
Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'KimW'
KimW: Hello! Thank you for contacting WestHost. Please allow me one moment to review your question.
KimW: Hi Teri, the domain name
KimW: is in redemption. The domain did expire on 12/4/2006. If you would like to get the name back it will cost $174.95. We did email you with this information on 1/25/2007.
Teri: WHAT?
Teri: No, the email I got said it is $15.00 for the year
KimW: Ticket #****** was sent on 1/25/2007 to **** letting you know of the status of your domain name.
Teri: Dear Teri, To renew the domain with WestHost is $14.95 for one year, $27.90 for two years, $39.75 for three years and $52.00 for four years. To renew the domain you can submit a payment at the below link. If you have any questions, please let me know. Best regards, Heidi Feser
Teri: I see at the other email address I provided - sorry hadn't checked that one. But now that I have....
Teri: $160 FEE??????? Are you kidding me? Because I was a month late I have to pay YOU, a third party, for MY domain name?
Teri: I would rather wait so I can pay the $4.99 for a year at a different Host.
KimW: The $160 fee is not a WestHost fee, that is what we are charged to get the name from Enom. They are the registar and took control of your name when it expired on 12/4/2006.
Teri: When is WestHost required to release the domain to the public?
Teri: ok fine - when is Enom required to release the name?
KimW: I have no idea.
KimW: It could be tomorrow, it could be six months from now.
Teri: That's not good enough. Doesn't anyone at an internet domain/webhosting company know anything about domains? Would Enom know? Do they have contact information? Your answer is rather vague.
Teri: Something helpful would be appreciated....some sort of step in the right direction, you know...something. This pay us all this money or "oops I don't know, guess you're lost in the dark without a flashlight" kind of stuff isn't great customer service....
KimW: I am sorry, for WestHost to retrieve the domain name for you we will need payment of $174.95.
KimW: We did email you at
KimW: six different times letting you know that the domain name was about to expire.
Teri: Yes, and I got letters about hosting from you too. I didn't want your service anymore. My agenda relied on other people as well. I just wanted to move the domain later to a different company. So I am late in moving it - I had no idea that the domain goes on lockdown and held ransom for exorbatant amounts in fees. For all I knew the worst that would happen is I would have to renew with WestHost for another year....HOWEVER - none of this or your past emails is really relavant, what I am asking is for some kind of information on when my domain will be released to the public and if you can't tell me, then at least tell me who can.
KimW: You are welcome to contact Enom,
Teri: Goodbye.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Christ Almighty

I just watched Xanadu.

The last time I watched that movie was almost 9 years ago and I was on acid at the time. hahahaha

Best scene:

That lead character is such a tool.
No muse in their right mind would fall in love with a whiny douchebag like him.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Best Quote of the Day

"If you love something, set it free. And if it has any sense it'll run like hell."

Thanks angrygnome.

Ultimate Chick Flick

Ok well, you can't go wrong with Sleepless in Seattle.....

I just watched it again for the first time in YEARS.
And I loved it AGAIN.

Well, see, Tom Hanks is awesome and Meg Ryan is just so darn cute.
It's just funny that in the past two months I've seen him in Catch Me If You Can and The DaVinci Code. Heh. Ok it's not really that funny, but he's great - whatever.


P.S. It was back when Rosie O'Donnell was likeable. Haha!

Happy early Valentine's Day!

Saturday, February 03, 2007

Love is....

Drinking wine, getting it on in front of a fireplace, watching detective movies and telling each other what annoys you about the other right before you say how much you love them.

In that order.

Friday, February 02, 2007

In a Man's World

My friend just did her own blog post about dealing with someone in a higher position at work and observing public was a nice blog with good ideas about being cordial or acknowledging simple triumphs.

She writes,:

thursday, february 1st, and tormented by unfulfillable fantasies of reaching across desks, grabbing necks by collars, and screaming things like, "i don't give a shit about your impressive title, act like a human being for once."

and with that, a word about dealing intimately with certain power-wielding, administrative-types:

you try your best to preserve your dignity; a rather precious thing that, by the very nature of your unequal relationship, may well just be unavoidably under assault. sometimes, for example, you will chant cool things to yourself about yourself, like: "no, seriously, i'm not spineless, i'm just really l-i-m-b-e-r"...

I have taken her rant on a different level, however.
I was relating to it on a more specific subject...that of women and men.
My response:

This is why I simply cannot work in a corporate environment.
I am a boat rocker.
I push buttons.
I test boundaries.
And I do not have whatever it is that allows you to let go of insults.
I could be passive-agressive in my reactions to "higher-ups" like my mother, but I find that behavior cowardly and incredibly annoying and not as satisfying as my mother finds it. I am the kind of person who wants that guy to know I'm not putting up with his bullshit. (Assuming it's a guy.)
Although you'd be surprised how many guys find that sort of defiance a turn-on, especially in the workplace! Sometimes that makes me feel better and sometimes it makes me irritated that instead of belittling my position and intelligence, I automatically become a sex-object. Sigh.

Oh well....guess that's why I got so good at sex. LOL

One difference between me and many feminists is that I don't think all women should be tough like Hillary Clinton, defensive like the average women's lib advocator or defiant and pushy like me. I believe that the girly girls of the world are a good thing - they provide sweetness and nurturing and a sense of tittilation. As a matter of fact, I think as great as the women's lib movement was for working women, it hurt us as a gender financially and as childbearers: it is so hard to be a mother for your children, our natural born task, because it is almost impossible these days to provide enough money for your family on a one person-income basis. Well, women of America, you can work now and make lots of is it worth it? Now can you afford to quit and stay home with the kids? You got what you want but it certainly cost us! What the hell is wrong with asking a man to open a jar of pickles or squash a bug for you? Now we actually have to work! Thanks a lot. Jerks.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

"I don't know" means "Yes"

How about I am incredibly agitated tonight.

Last night I had a great time.
I called up someone who never ever goes out and basically forced them to go out with me to karaoke. I mean really, if he didn't want to go, he would have said no.....
All he said was "I don't know."
To me, that means opportunity for sales pitch....or just a bunch of pleading and phrases like "don't make me beg, it isn't in my nature."

So I said, "Where do you live? I'm picking you up now."
And he told me and he was ready to go and we both had fun.
Somebody burst my bubble just now.
Said, "Boy, you always get your way."
As if it were a bad thing to be persuasive.
Hey don't rock the boat, people say.
Fuck that shit.
I rock whatever god damned boat I want to.
What's wrong with being pushy if everyone has a good time?