Cold Lemonade

ShitMyDadSays.....A True Sage

2010-01-22T15:13:00.002-05:00

I cannot stop reading these....this 74 year old man is fucking hilarious!
Apparently his 29 year old son just posts shit his dad says and I love it....here are some recents...

"That woman was sexy...Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won't screw you, don't do it for them."

"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."

"We didn't have a prom. Dancing wasn't allowed...What's Footloose?...That's the plot of the movie? That sounds like a pile of shit."

I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."

"No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"

"Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it."

"I'm just gonna be me and they can go fuck themselves...Don't care, that's the only attitude you can have when you go to the DMV."

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

Ok Froot Loops not so bad..

2010-01-19T20:03:00.002-05:00

Actually, Froot Loops has gotten healthier since the reviews I saw. As I was looking at my box of Froot Loops, comparing nutrition information against that of my son's other favorite cereal, Raisin Bran, I couldn't believe how much LESS sugar Froot Loops had....and they make it with FIBER so...huh...how bout that.

Maybe next time I blog, I'll show my pot roast done Barefoot Contessa style.

Raisinettes Count As Fruit

2010-01-04T15:25:00.004-05:00

Fruit Antioxidants plus chocolate therapy!
Now if only it was easier and just as cheap to get some chocolate covered raisins with less processed chocolate. I could google it but I'm lazy and already eating these so MEH.

I'm still suffering from what the central Texans in Hill Country refer to as "Cedar Fever" allergies. Whether those insufferable Juniper trees and their nasty pollens are the culprit, I am not scientifically sure, but what I do know is that I haven't ever sneezed this much with itchy eyes in my life and I grew up in Texas! It is said that you can develop an allergy to that stuff if you live around it for 20 years (which I have) and so it makes sense to me.

Either way....this fucking sucks!
I used the last of the Children's Claritin for myself (that's right! Kids come second this time, Mommy needs to be able to function!) but I'll get some more later today. Kids don't seem to really be suffering like me.

I'm all out of my Breakfast teas (both English AND Irish varieties!!! NOOOO!) so I'm trying this Carrington stuff that my friend brought over for a December Tacky Tea Party I held. That was cool, I even made an awesome spinach bacon and cheddar quiche with the crust from scratch! (Yes, awesome.)

I'm hopped up on vitamin B, C and calcium and all I have to say is I better get over this crap soon because my husband bought Blue Moon beers and I have yet to have one! I just can't drink alcohol if I'm "sick", it lowers my immunity. Booo.

A Resolution I Intend to Fulfull

2010-01-03T17:11:00.003-05:00

New Year's Resolutions for me are usually some self-improvement kind of goal, but this year, or rather last year a few weeks ago, I decided my resolution would be to finally contribute money to PBS. I've been watching them for years and now rely on them as an essential tool in my business of mommyhood and now that government has cut funding for them, I feel like a total jerk that I enjoy their programs without paying a dime for them.

Construction workers have drills and hammers and screwdrivers. They pay for their own tools if they are contractors.
Every office pays for office supplies.
I don't have TOO many arts and crafts laying around for my kids but when I need a break and I don't want my kids watching explosive seizure-inducing commercials for toys and cereals burning holes in their brains, I put on old PBS and I trust Big Bird and Cookie Monster, Clifford and Curious George to entertain them while I have a cup of coffee or take a shower.

I figure I could send a check in thanks for all those much needed cuppas and trips to the water closet.

Thank you, PBS.

Blue Dye = Brilliant Green Poop

2010-01-03T15:42:00.006-05:00

My son has been pooping a brilliant green key lime poopie paste lately and my only suspect has been the Froot Loops I've been feeding him thanks to Daddy bringing home what was on sale one day. Now he prefers them over all else even to the point of boycotting breakfast altogether. Grr...but that's another story entirely.

Well, it happened again today so I did a little Google research and found this shitty site that I've found once or twice before.

Imagine my knowing smirk when my suspicions were confirmed as the Poop Report explained "scientifically proven" assertions that FDA Blue #5 turns your poop bright green if enough quantity is consumed. Well, Froot Loops contains only Blue #1 and #2 but I'm willing to bet two blues make for green poo too.

It doesn't hurt my theory that my son likes to pick out and eat the blue ones either....

Unfortunately I know very well Froot Loops is not a smart choice for my young son, but after this box, I'll be switching back to multi grain Cheerios or Kix or something. If he doesn't eat it, he can just be hungry until lunchtime when he can either eat what I make or tantrum his way out of another meal. I figure he will eat if he truly gets hungry. That's enough (green) crap out of you, mister!

Oh yes, and if anyone who used to read my blog noticed I've been silent since October 09, hello again. I guess I finally have stuff to say now that I've weened myself off of facebook. :P

WASABI IS A SOMETIMES FOOD

2009-08-21T10:29:00.003-04:00

I LOVE KEVIN CLASH....

AND CAPS

Massacre in my Driveway

2009-07-31T00:55:00.002-04:00

I'm am exhausted from shopping today with the kids. Groceries...baby nap....drove to Jersey for a toddler bed off craigslist....then Target for extra shit that was cheaper than a grocery store and stuff for the beach. AND THEN......

When I got home I knocked the damn laundry detergent on the ground and it spilled all over the driveway. I scooped up as much as I could with my hands and put it back in the bottle. I don't care about dirt, I mean that shit gets washed away anyway. AND THEN.........

I took Al's shorts from when he got Pacific poison oak in California and sopped up what I didn't scoop up and I hand washed them twice in that manner. So I went to rinse off the driveway with the hose I noticed hooked up in the garage and there was fucking bubbles and suds everywhere! AND THEN.......

The hose leaked from the faucet and got all over Al's weight bench and the floor so I had to clean that shit up too. WTF. Stupid Purex.

World of Warcraft Movie...directed by Sam Raimi??

2009-07-22T09:46:00.006-04:00

Interesting....

Press Release:

BLIZZARD ENTERTAINMENT® AND LEGENDARY PICTURES SIGN SAM RAIMI TO DIRECT UPCOMING WARCRAFT® MOVIE

Raimi, acclaimed director of the blockbuster Spider-Man series, will bring the forces of the Horde and the Alliance to life in epic live-action film. Charles Roven's Atlas Entertainment will produce alongside Raimi's Stars Road Entertaiment.

Want Clean Water to Stay Clean?

2009-07-21T11:14:00.005-04:00

SIGN THE PETITION!

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/831747533

Stop Toxin-Laden Wastewater Dump in Our Streams!
Target: U.S. House of Representatives
Sponsored by: Sierra Club
On June 22, 2009, the Supreme Court ruled that the Clean Water Act permits a mining company to pump hundreds of thousands of gallons per day of toxic wastewater slurry into an Alaskan lake, killing its fish and aquatic life.

We can't let another catastrophe like this occur. The Clean Water Act is supposed to protect waterways from being used as waste disposal sites -- but Bush-era rulemaking effectively overturned this portion of the Act.

Fortunately, Congress has a solution: the Clean Water Protection Act. This new bill will reinstate the purpose of the old bill and ensure lakes, rivers, streams and wetlands are not destroyed by industrial waste dumping by passing.

Urge your Representative to pass the Clean Water Protection Act today!
AddThis
deadline: Ongoing...
goal: 15,000

I was the 12,885th signature!

Sign it!

Screaming

2009-07-14T13:59:00.003-04:00

I would say something witty here or maybe write 5 paragraphs of pure awesomeness with a side of bacon-flavored analogies, but the child that doesn't want to take a nap (probably because I won't give him milk and has a bottle full of water) is screaming his head off and I couldn't possibly concentrate long enough to do that.

But I thought I'd pop in and say hi.

Where have I been?
Who would ask that? I fear this blog is dusty and forgotten like ruins in the Congo.
I've been busy and not busy and a bit apathetic to blogging lately.
Maybe I'll get back into it later when I feel like writing random shit.

But until then....my posts will be as random and sporadic as my brain wave patterns.
So I leave you with a quote:

"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." - Ayn Rand

I just don't like people anymore

2009-07-12T10:32:00.000-04:00

I'm tired of living in crowded cities.
I want to move out to the country or at least move to the west coast where the people are at least outside out and about enjoying the nice weather and beautiful landscape.

Unless you are out in the country it really is kind of ugly in the north eastern cities. Bleh.

Sometimes I actually miss Texas even though they are in triple digit heat right now.

Sigh.

CANADA! I'm not even

2009-07-01T08:42:00.008-04:00

HAPPY CANADA DAY! And I'm not even Canadian.
But I like Canada and I play online games with a Canadian.
Therefore, I can say happy birthday to Canada since I've been there once and know it through 2 degrees of separation.

Happy Birthday, Canada!

Here is my son trying his first taste of Pocky!

He spit it out at first and the little bite is right under his lip, looking like a giant chocolate covered zit.
LOL If only they tasted like that...ok nevermind that's kind of gross.

Yes I know Pocky is Japanese....but it's cheaper than maple syrup, even the non-imported stuff.
What do you want from me! I do my best to be authentic!
It's last minute! I just found out yesterday!
What you want I should make a cake?
GAH! I can't take this kind of stress, I'm out of here.

<3 you, Canada.

Lime Thyme

2009-06-30T19:08:00.001-04:00

What's for dinner at my house tonight?

Chicken breast with fresh Lime Thyme from my garden, salt, pepper, & fresh lime juice baked at 375 for 35 min. Served with garlic & cumin black beans and a Romaine salad with Balsamic vinaigrette. And a strawberry margarita on the rocks!

SEE MY RIBS?

2009-06-30T13:07:00.006-04:00

DEEEE-LICIOUS!

I made some spare ribs yesterday and had nothing better to do but to document the progress. Ok well maybe I could have found some housework to do, but anyway, here's the skinny....

Cut the rack in half and slap and stack those ribs on top of each other in a crock pot with some paprika, black pepper, kosher salt and olive oil, rub it in good and add some water to almost submerge them.
Cook those bitches for 6 hours at least.

Pre-heat oven to 350.
Take them out carefully and put on to a baking or roasting pan and add some BBQ sauce.
(I used Sweet Baby Ray's).

Spread the sauce around with a spoon or a basting brush (I really need to get one).
Cook in the oven for 10 minutes on each side.

Serve with BEER and watch them fall off the bone....yum.

For dessert, I made something light: Pocky & Strawberries. :)

Men are like big game....

2009-06-29T14:35:00.002-04:00

....and I am like a hunter with an expired hunting license.

And that's all I have to say about that.

In other news, I'm singing in a karaoke contest on Wednesday hosted by WOGL the Philadelphia oldies station. LMAO What the hell do you sing at an oldies station hosted karaoke contest? Is Bjork out of the question?

I was at the beach this weekend. I had a wonderful time. I even fell asleep yesterday and burnt my ass and the backs of my legs. Now I'm like a pan-seared piece of meat. Nice.

Bet you didn't know I was going to a therapist!
She thinks I'm either manic or bi-polar.
Awesome. This would explain my creative bursts and lack of "muse" on occasion.
Well, I'm done here at this popsicle stand.
FUCK! YES! UGH! WHEE! CRY! SIGH....

I'm only here because they are updating the server

2009-06-16T11:19:00.004-04:00

I can't play my game thanks to server upgrades, so I guess I'll say some words.

Coffee, check.
Baby nap time, check.
Video for toddler, check.
Video game for mom, EEEEEEEEEERNT!, WRONG.

That about sums up the morning.
My husband was on his way out the door after a delicious bacon, egg & toast breakfast served by me, when the kids gave him the most sad faces ever. So he stood there in the doorway, backpack on his shoulders, looking back at them with an equally pitiful looking face. He slumped his shoulders, looked at me, and I said, "You're not going, are you?"
"No," he sighed.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! I squealed because I knew the kids would be so happy and it kind of cheered me up too because I love spur of the moment stuff like that. Family time! Time for scanning checks! Time for fixing my webcam! (Actually that is still not working, but it was a good try.) Time for just more time!

He left for the train a while ago and probably won't get into work until noon. Ah well. All I have to say is, I hate server upgrade Tuesdays...I need my fix. Yes, I admit it. I am now officially addicted to WoW. At least it's only a $15 a month fix. :P

What's been up with me lately? Oh you know, the usual god-awful emotional roller coaster, mood swings of death and doom. Pillaging and suffering. Laughing and crying. Yelling and freaking the fuck out. I hope to solve this mystery by August. Hopefully, I'll be in a good mood for my birthday next month. I'm going to be 30!

Alrighty, that's enough. Maybe I'll write something creative later. It's been known to happen.

Let's see, maybe I'll just make up a poem off the top of my head right now.

Coffee is getting cold,
The drums are being beaten,
I'll be 30 years old,
I wonder what I'll be eatin'

Dinner is special fun,
When out to eat you go,
Don't have to clean for anyone,
Dress up, put on a show

Drink a bit of alcohol,
Cackle like a witch,
It doesn't matter at all,
Cuz' you're a partyin' son-of-a-bitch!

Thank you, thank you!

I Put On My Red Lipstick for Jane's Addiction & NIN

2009-06-09T20:58:00.007-04:00

Tailgating a concert in the rain.....awesome.
But before the festivities begin, the make up must go on....

For this occasion, I brought out the super red lipstick and...

BAM!

Now that's what I call a MILF.
Damn skippy, I'd totally do myself.

P.S. I got a new haircut and color too.
That's a map of China on the wall behind me and some random toys on the couch.

Also, I don't know why, (I've been kind of AWOL lately) but I got an award or two over at Sheri's World, so I took the liberty of choosing which one I liked best.

Thanks, Sheri, now here is your shameless promotion.

Chinese Cat Grows Wings.....Evolution?

2009-05-28T17:27:00.002-04:00

Click picture for story ^^

(Don't worry, it's just MSNBC's Today)

Reminds me of this book I read when I was little....

Flying Spaghetti Monster For Dinner? No, huh...

2009-05-15T20:42:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I didn't feel like cooking dinner one night since my husband wouldn't be home, so I looked around for some leftovers to serve the kids. Well, I made spaghetti and meatballs a couple of nights before...so voila!

I was in a weird and hyper mood and I got this creative notion that the little pile of pasta with 2 meatballs looked a lot like the Flying Spaghetti Monster deity and so with a few tweaks, I fixed it up just so and heated the sucker up.

Well, I didn't say anything about it to my little Whinocerous; I don't even think she noticed. Either way, she didn't eat it...wasn't really hungry I guess. Or maybe she somehow knew what it was with her 3 year old intuition and didn't want to be touched by his noodly appendage. The little precious hasn't had much appetite for dinner these days, but she eats all day so I guess she's alright. Whatever, I found it amusing whether she ate it or not. Heh.

The Beef Wellington

2009-05-15T11:24:00.002-04:00

Oh!!!

So THAT'S how you make a Ramsay Beef Wellington!

My husband and I have been wanting to try one of his forever.
I wonder where the hell we can ever get one.....

We may just have to make our own.
Yeah....I'm guessing a lot of practice is in order hehee

10 Celebrites I Shouldn't Find Attractive, But Do....

2009-05-13T10:20:00.005-04:00

You know you do it too.
Sometimes your brain tells you you shouldn't find a certain someone attractive for various reasons (kind of ugly, really dorky, weak, douchebagginess, a little too old for you, etc) Your logic is trying to prevent you from making a mistake so as not to have offspring with this person, giving your kids defects. Yet somehow, your ancient instincts tell you these supposed miscreants still have a quality or trait about them that is desirable and may not be so bad passed on to the next generation.
Therefore, you still want to bang them. Anyway....so this is the best I could do considering I had to pick 10 guys I think most women wouldn't find attractive that I did....it was harder to do than I thought.

Here are my reasons why I think condoms were invented:

1. David Spade

2. Tommy Lee Jones

3. Jeremy Irons

4. Dennis Leary

5. Benicio del Toro

6. Sam Elliot

7. Jeff Goldblum

8. Rob Morrow

9. Rza

10. Gordon Ramsay (many women find him attractive, but I think it's the sheer male assertiveness, which is good for that whole protection thing)

Wait, what's this?
Little Gordon Ramsay????

Give it to me raw, Bobby Flay

2009-05-13T09:33:00.006-04:00

Oh yea....so last night I had a crazy dream (this is nothing out of the ordinary for me), only it's been a while since I had anything close to one regarding sexuality.

I didn't get anywhere with anyone per se, but I was being intensely harassed and seduced by none other than Iron Chef Bobby Flay.

Ohhh yeah....pour some EVVO on me, baby. Mmmmm....

I was at a nice restaurant, chocolate brown leather bench seats, red art deco cone lamps hanging down from the ceiling, simple red flowers on the tables and a warm, dark brown wall color. Don't forget the track lighting! I suppose that's my creative interior designer brain working in my subconscious - even in sleep, I am imagining color schemes hehe. But anyway....

Funny thing is, I wasn't really interested in Mr. Flay at first. You'd think it was because of the level of his arrogance and overt assertiveness, but that is usually what I get off on. Somehow we ended up at a house party where there was all kinds of provocative shenanigans going on. The porn-star looking attendees, especially the women, were all scantily clad, and I didn't feel all that welcome. I especially felt out of place because I was mentally in mommy mode, imagining that I needed to get home to my kids.

Slowly but surely, my outfit morphed into some kind of lack of cloth ensemble, and the women were pulling me along, trying to get me to join in their weird lesbian activities, getting me more and more naked. I knew it was all for the sake of the evil Bobby Flay who was smirking deviously while watching this, knowing these nasty sirens were "prepping" me for the main course.

I don't like women in the sexual way, so I wasn't appreciative of their efforts: inserting fingers where they shouldn't be, convincing me to put my fingers in their soft parts *blech* and *shudder* - it was all too much. Gross, Bobby. If you want me, don't gross me out with the lezzy stuff, ugh.

I had enough of the fake eyes-closed-red-lipstick-open-mouth gasping and moaning stuff from the blonde Playboy wannabes and went over to the Iron Chef himself. I was pissed and I demanded to go home. He said he would drive me home and he had my car keys. I told him I would go myself, but he wouldn't give them to me. Actually, he took off the car key and gave me the rest of my keys.

At some point, we were in my car, him in the driver's seat. He was putting the max moves on me at this point - and even though I thought he was a jerk, I couldn't help but still be interested. Why do I like the jerks? I guess I woke up or something because I was starting to freak out because even in my subconscious, I knew I was married and that this was not a good idea, even if I was slightly interested in hooking up with an unscrupulous celebrity chef.

Then the baby cried and woke me up.
Whew! Or damn it! I'm not sure which reaction to use. Hehe.
After watching a few Throwdown episodes, he seems like such a douche.
I'm not the only one who thinks so, either.
So what does that say about me? I totally fantasize about douchebags. And food. I don't want to marry 'em, I just want to fuck 'em....I guess just get it over with already and call me a gourmet slut. LOL

Weirdest, most awkward family photo EVER.

2009-05-09T22:29:00.002-04:00

.....

Woah...wtf.

H1N1 is coming for you,,,,

2009-05-03T23:32:00.003-04:00

I did this in Photoshop.
Have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about?

Here's your homework on Zalgo: He Who Waits Behind Walls

Freakiest, weirdest, most disturbing (and funniest) meme I think I've ever seen.

To invoke the hive-mind representing chaos.
Invoking the feeling of chaos.
With out order.
The Nezperdian hive-mind of chaos. Zalgo.
He who Waits Behind The Wall.

Yeah, ok buddy.

Did Someone Say Swine Flu?

2009-05-01T10:19:00.002-04:00

Yeah, my dad calls me this morning to warn me that there are 4 cases of swine flu now documented in Philadelphia. He says to tell my husband that when he gets off the train and comes home that he better go in through the basement and wash his hands before he handles my dad's grandchildren. Ok, dad. I agree, now the mission is how to remind my husband without making him think I'm trying to say he's not hygienic. Of course he's hygienic! I still have to say it - I'm a mom - it's my job. :)

So anyway.....all this talk about pig flu sucks, first it's birds, now pigs...let's talk about the good things swine bring to the table...

Ahhh, that's better.

Jesus, Lauren Hill....

2009-04-26T20:30:00.003-04:00

What the hell happened to you?
You fall out the Ugly-Clown-Make-up Tree?

It looks like what I imagine the offspring of Ronald McDonald and Diana Ross would look like. Yikes.

Help! It's raining gays!

2009-04-26T10:14:00.003-04:00

That's right, people. The gay agenda!
They're out to get us!
They are going to rain down their rainbow terror on us breeders!

Ok...so anyway...I just saw Milk a couple of days ago - great movie.
I applaud the efforts of the civil rights movement for gay equality.
Although I have to admit, that was a little too much exposure to gayness even for me.
But anyway...awesome role for Sean Penn.

So what was I saying? Oh yes, mass paranoia regarding imminent gayness.

Check out this controversial commercial....the fact that these people are serious is hysterical to me.

But the best part of all is the remakes available none other than on the internet.
Oh satire, how I love you and the truth you hilariously deliver.

What they really mean....

Colbert Report version...

Celebrity version....(LOL)

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

Irony...

2009-04-22T15:39:00.004-04:00

...is finding a packet of fast food maple syrup stuck to a wet nap in my silverware drawer.

...is having an awesome post about a picture I took to blog and not having the camera to upload it two days in a row.

...is that Alanis Morissette's song "Ironic" has lyrics about things that suck, not things that are ironic. (black fly in Chardonnay, rain on your wedding day...duh)

...is feeling good going into a session with a therapist and coming out feeling odd.

...is having a therapist find her patient's idea for a psychological thriller novel interesting AND also applying at the same university.

...is what you say when you are describing something that feels or looks like iron but it really isn't made of iron.

XD

...is Elmo's "Being Green" DVD for Earth Day, which talks about cutting down unnecessary waste, comes with an unnecessary paper DVD case cover.

New Trailer for Harry Potter & the Half-blood Prince

2009-04-18T13:23:00.004-04:00

Well, it's about damn time!

Good Morning, SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!

2009-04-16T08:44:00.008-04:00

The CAPS, which represent loudness, is a total understatement in this story.

THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD THUD
Whinocerous tromps down the hall with her explosive land mine heels into the parents' bedroom.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! The baby wails from his room after she runs past the pointlessly closed door.
"DADDY!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, DADDY???"
"SHHH!!!" Mommy spittles, irritated from down the hall as she dunks a bag of green tea in some hot water.
Daddy understands, "You have to be quiet, sweetie, the baby is trying to sleep!"
"WHAT?"
Mommy chuckles, rolls her eyes and sighs in her kitchen on yet another fine morning.

Liquid Kid

2009-04-15T10:05:00.005-04:00

For those of you who don't know what Liquid or Liquid Pop is, see here.

I found this awesome video of a little kid doing Liquid.
It's hilarious and cute at the same time.
He's not that bad, actually....I question the parents' taste in music though.

:D

For the best of the best in Liquid Pop, you've got to see LPC Eric [Liquid Pop Collective] (someone I actually know, how cool is that!?) doing his thing.
Here's an oldie but goodie video of him:

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....here is a performance by Eric and Jared of LPC at a charity event called "GIVE" that they titled, DISCOBOTZ ATTACK!

That name was inspired by a Philly break-beat weekly party called Discobotz, which was thrown by local DJ Imri and his promoter friend Mike - with DJs Imri & Kil0byte tag-team spinning with a different guest DJ at the end of each night. (Kil0byte is my husband now, but we were dating during that time - needless to say it was cool being the DJ's girlfriend lol). We are all pretty good friends now after all these years - Imri is still single and we went to Mike's wedding a couple of years ago.

Discobotz (2004)

(ki0byte & Imri)

Expert Beat-matching

(ki0byte's hands <3)

Me dancing!

(Teri)

Imri spinning

Mike & kil0byte

Awesome Shirts! (I made mine - LAWLZ!)

(Teri & Imri)

Ahhh.....memories....

We Laid Some Eggs

2009-04-11T13:28:00.002-04:00

...and of course when I wasn't looking my daughter smashed a few, so I took a picture so at least we could remember our handy work before any further damage haha.

The Ludicrous Petshop & Friends

2009-04-10T20:42:00.003-04:00

Last night I dreamt people dressed up as scary pink t-rexes were swinging psychotically on swings while I unsuccessfully tried to take a picture. Then I was all of a sudden in a cooking school and some dudes were trying to molest me and my husband came and tried to get the harassers away from me after I beat one up ( really I totally beat that fucker to smithereens and it was awesome) - I yelled to my husband, "PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!!" and he finally punched one and I was happy about it.

I remember being in a high rise building and having to go down an elevator to get out of the place. Weird. Actually, I just remembered I've had high rise buildings with elevator sequences in my dreams before....only last time it was a fancy hotel with black and green marble floors and walls inside. Hmm. I wonder if I have some kind of phallic power trip in my subconscious. That would totally not surprise me at all. I have a thing for skyscrapers I guess. Suck on that one for a 45 minute session, Freud.

In other news, PETA asked the Pet Shop Boys to change their name....I don't know WTF for, but you know even though they probably knew damn well they wouldn't change their name, they just wanted the press coverage. Now I'm all about being humane to animals, but PETA people are just insane.

And now for something Horrible and Hilarious:

When the Stars Go Blue

2009-04-09T21:41:00.014-04:00

Yellow speckles of light flashed and flickered, glossy and dull on the dark water surface. Statik shivered in the chilly night breeze. Her vacant gaze over the harbor abruptly dispelled and she snapped back into acknowledgment of the real world; goosebumps covered her arms, the skin on her fingers cold, thin and crackling. She reached for her cable-knit zip-up sweater and put it on. As the breeze died down, she closed her eyes and took a deep, musky freshwater breath; she opened her eyes and slowly sighed.

For a moment she imagined herself on a charter boat, set out to sea for a fishing expedition. No women allowed on the boat. Statik snorted and kicked an offensive clump of dried mud into the water. "Fucking assholes," she muttered to herself, "I'm not like most women - I can take a fish off a hook and have a beer just like any dude. I don't necessarily have to complain about anything. Whatever."

Statik sighed once more then leaned over the cold steel railing to look at the lapping water on the rocks below. She searched for her warm spot on the rail from where she was zoning out earlier but couldn't find it. She gave up and turned away to walk home. Or maybe she would stop at a bar first.

No, no, who would be at the bar? Strangers? Nah, when you're in a bar, nobody is a stranger, they're more like fellow members of a support group or patients in a mental hospital. You are totally peers and you can totally just go up and talk to whoever you want to, but don't expect to come out with a bring-home-to-mama-boyfriend or a really nice guy who just wants to buy you dinner and just happens to have concert tickets he doesn't want laying around.
Expect two drunk ~~probably depressed~~, ~~apathetic~~, lonely ~~losers~~ lovers to go back to someone's ~~car~~ place and have ~~sloppy~~ intense sex then ~~considering a drive home~~ pass out immediately thereafter. Then, in the morning, you ~~do the walk of shame~~ go to breakfast at a diner, hair in a messy ponytail, still wearing make-up from the night before and your penis-lender's second comfiest t-shirt. It could be fun.

Statik looked up at the stars twinkling, fixed and solid.
How can something that seems to move so slow be so beautiful?
It's the same old constellations.
It's the same old planets.
The same old galaxy.
Yet in it's relatively fixed infinity, it is infinitely fascinating, relative to me anyway.
At home, the stereo could be turned on and turned up; drinking and dancing could ensue and none would be the wiser if she passed out on the couch watching reality cooking shows recorded on the DVR. She walked past an open door with a bar inside, purple and green neon lights, and some awful classic rock song seeping down the stairs into the gutter. She plugged in her earphones, switched on the mp3 player and played "When the Stars Go Blue" as sung by Bono and The Corrs.

Where do you go when you're lonely?
Where do you go when you're blue?
Where do you go when you're lonely? I'll follow you...

Statik went home.

I'll take a brick, if you don't mind...

2009-04-09T12:24:00.004-04:00

Soooo....
What does a trillion dollars look like?

It looks like some ridiculous green thing that I'll never see in my lifetime.

It would be a massive building and I would totally love just a brick of it, kthx loaded people.

Check out that link above and see, but for you lazy uninterested people, here is some totally unrelated shit to see if you're paying attention:

Actually, what you see above is what I've found to be a Korean time-honored tradition among young boys, called dong chim. All a boy has to do is to put their open hands together in a diving position, sneak up behind a boy, then simply jab your little shark-fin up their butt.

I suppose the fun of it all is to see the reaction afterwards...otherwise why in the hell would they make a statue of it? lmao

And there you have it.

Wordless Wednesday???

2009-04-08T17:13:00.001-04:00

Hitler Rapes Bjork Lookalike in Greek Ruins

2009-04-08T10:33:00.008-04:00

"WTF?" you may be asking yourself....

Indeed, that is exactly what I said when I woke up this morning because I dreamt my Asian friend looked like Bjork and all of a sudden, Hitler found us hiding under a slab of concrete, dragged her out and raped her - although eventually I got up and tried to stop the whole thing, somehow he got himself all blown up. I don't know exactly but I believe we were in the rubble and ruin of a Grecian University or something. The columns gave it away. But then, on a yellowed parchment of paper, a weird animated montage of penis-sized condom shapes moved like pistons up and down over musical notation lines - like a really fucked up animated symphony - and red-ochre smudges appeared at each thrust to represent symbolically the savage motions of the rape. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN!

I know I watched some crazy Manga anime on the sci fi channel the other night and I know I watched Hercules yesterday, and was listening to Bjork several days ago on YouTube videos AND last night I watched some old 1930's Japanese films, but JESUS. Where the hell did Hitler come from? The time period maybe? So weird.

I've actually been having a lot of awful dreams lately. I was going to say weird dreams, but I've been having weird dreams all my life. I usually remember my dreams every morning. But when I say I've been having awful dreams, I mean so awful that I awake in the middle of the night sobbing and bawling my eyes out. HOW HORRIBLE. Perhaps it's due to stress. Maybe if I can't think of anything to blog about, I'll just write about my dreams. They're definitely interesting enough....if you like TABLOIDS.

Here's what I think inspired my brain to do that crazy musical parchment paper animation sequence: Labuat

(YOU DEFINITELY WANT TO SEE THIS MUSICAL NOVELTY)

OMG I WON OIL, CHOCOLATE, FLUTES & NOT CRABS!!!1

2009-04-06T16:15:00.008-04:00

HAHA!

I totally wasn't expecting to win anything when I posted how to make things spicy in your relationship in a comment on my friend Megan's blog, and I totally won from a little piece of blue paper pulled out of a hat getting shaken next to a really nice pair of jubblies.

YAY ME!

So what did I win? I won "warming massage oil, chocolate body paint with a brush, champagne flutes, a dash of scented silk rose petals, and two tealights."

Thanks Megan & Aman, who so eloquently said I could "spice up my marriage or something."

Thanks guys. I'll be sure to keep the stuff out of reach of children.
Maybe I'll post pics. Haha! Yeah right.

~Teri~

Already Dreaming of BEACH

2009-04-04T18:22:00.004-04:00

Yes....I look forward every year to a trip to the shore....beach bound forever in my soul. My favorite smell is coconut...and I even go so far as to wear Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil as a perfume and to moisturize my hands all year round. I own more tropical garb probably than native Hawaiians do.

It's a wonder I don't do the grass skirt thing.
I don't ever dress up as a hula dancer or anything like that for Halloween because I wouldn't feel like I was wearing a costume. I am Island Girl at heart.

I digress though.

I can remember a time at the beach that I didn't like so much, but got over fairly quickly. You know it's love when you get over the negative stuff in a hurry.

I was around 6 years old, I guess. My mom took me to the beach, I believe with my step-dad - I think they were only dating at the time. I don't remember those kinds of details.

I was happily munching away on some crunchy Cheetos in the high noon sun on South Padre Island. The black scratchy seaweed littered all over the beach as far as the eye could see. In the distance, oil refineries gleamed in the daylight like dormant alien ships docked on the beach. Whatever. The hot sand burned my feet so I stayed on the towels as much as possible. When I did wander around, I could either go toward the water and the cooler sand, or I could maybe walk a few feet before I was too close to the cars parked in the lot behind us. The sand dunes flanking the parking lot were sort of comforting, like a safety wall guarding our happiness from the rest of the world. Some of them had tufts of tall grass shooting out of the tops of them like the unwanted chin hairs I get sometimes. Most of them were just grayish-tan sand with flecks of black gathering at the tips.

The precise moment of unhappiness came when I thought it would be nice to feed the seagulls a morsel from my bag of Cheetos. Big Mistake. Mom said don't do that, of course, but did I listen? Of course not! I threw one up into the air so I could see them dive for it and catch it. Then once they learned that I was The Source, they started dive bombing ME! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! I squealed and mom shooed them all away for me and told me not to feed them ever because they would come after me and all my chips if I did. I listened that time.

I was bent out of shape from it for a while and so stayed on the safety of my beach towel, but I'm sure I finally got over it, hopped over a few piles of black seaweed and made my way into the ocean again.

The End.

And by the way, seagulls are a pain in the ass no matter what state you find them in from Texas to New Jersey. But....it is undeniable their inherent obsession with man-made chips.

HE COMES!

2009-04-02T15:57:00.001-04:00

Wordless Wednesday: Things You Cannot Has

2009-04-01T11:35:00.001-04:00

Talking to Strangers

2009-04-01T11:10:00.002-04:00

So I found this site called Omegle, where you talk to random strangers who happen to be online same as you. People are SO weird when they get on the internets.

Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: HI
Stranger: ARE YOU THE CHINESE CLOWN BOY
You: NO I LIKE CAPS
Stranger: FUCK
Stranger: SHIT
Stranger: SORRY I GOT TOURETTES
You: Oh I don't like caps anymore
You: at least you can spell though
Stranger: do you like SHIT FACE FUCKTARD
Stranger: sorry that was a mistake
You: is that a new emo band?
Stranger: its my tourettes kicking in COCK
Stranger: SHIT
Stranger: ASS
You: I didn't know it affected typing skills too...thought it was just a verbal thing
Stranger: HAHAHAAA you are so funny i fell down of my dinosaur
You: dude, where do you get a dinosaur?
Stranger: FROM you MOM
You: DAMN IT!
Stranger: i also fucked er
You: SOMEONE ALWAYS SPOILS THE SURPRISES FOR ME!
Stranger: yeah FUCK SHIT
You: I never get to be surprised for xmas! I always accidentally find shit
Stranger: PUSSY ASS GAY NIG..NIG...NIGG...
Stranger: phew that was close
You: So how was fucking in the ER?
You: never tried that on
Stranger: fucking what
You: you said "I also fucked er"
You: I assuming you don't make typos because even your tourettes outburts are spelled perfectly
You: just sayin'

Stranger: hey
You: hey
Stranger: where r u from?
You: east coast
You: you?
Stranger: southern coast (of france) ;)
Stranger: YC?
You: Cool.
Stranger: NYC?
You: Nah, PA
Stranger: PA?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

I guess nobody likes PA. lol

Twitter is for ppl who have no friends

2009-03-30T12:13:00.001-04:00

Neverending Remakes - Neverending Story

2009-03-30T11:25:00.005-04:00

I'm sure many of you probably heard this already, but I am so sick of remakes....and now they are going to do it to one of my childhood favorites...

The Neverending Story

Sigh.

Check out this blog/article and the comments thereafter:
http://www.pajiba.com/trade_news/neverending-story-remake-at-warner-bros.php

And now to make myself feel better, a Robot Chicken parody:

And a Family Guy clip too:

Statik Radio

2009-03-28T12:40:00.003-04:00

So, I finally got my old site back online - or at least something on the domain again.
It is TOTALLY not at all up to my usual standards (I just threw something together in HTML using notepad) just so that at least I'd have SOME content up there. I don't really know what I want to do with my site just yet, so for now it's just tip of the iceberg stuff about yours truly.

http://www.statikradio.com

GOV'T ISSUE

2009-03-27T10:07:00.008-04:00

I had my very beautiful, very intelligent, very modern and relatively trendy girl friend over for dinner last night and she says to me she would like me to contribute to her up and coming e-zine, GOV'T ISSUE.

Not only does she want to tap into the talents of our circle of very creative friends, but she wants me to add my skills in the erotic literary world (go figure) and perhaps add some perspective on sexuality to the zine. In other words, I'm going to be in charge of seducing people to read the damn thing. Ha!

Needless to say, I am excited about it. I already have ideas on interviews and articles, and of course erotic fiction.

This e-zine is dedicated to the lives of Americans (and eventually global communities) and their works of art, creativity, and emotional and intellectual property that are being missed out on. A haven (or bellwether) for that which is set aside in favor of doing what pays bills and not what inspires, moves or relieves the soul in our generation.

Still in the works, here is the link to GOV'T ISSUE:

http://www.govt-issue.com

EXHIBITS! Philly Flower Show - Part 2

2009-03-26T11:52:00.002-04:00

Here are several pictures of some of the more beautiful/interesting/fascinating/exceptional/whatever exhibits on display at the Flower Show this year. Starting with my favorites of course!

I TOTALLY want this BBQ....

This gondola was freaking HUGE!

And there's still more! But I'll save them for another post. :)

I'm horny.

2009-03-25T19:35:00.000-04:00

That's it. Nothing else really to say. lol

Wrong Address...

2009-03-25T15:50:00.001-04:00

Wrong Address...

> A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
> particularly icy winter.
>
> They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20
> years earlier.
>
> Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
> schedules.
>
> So, the husband left Minnesota and flew To Florida on Thursday, with his
> wife flying down the Following day.
>
> The husband checked into the hotel
> There was a computer in his
> Room, so he decided
> To send an email to his wife.
>
> However, he accidentally left out one letter in her Email address, and
> without realizing his error, sent the email….
>
> Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her
> husband's funeral.
> He was a minister who was
> Called home to glory
> Following a heart attack…
>
> The widow decided to check her email expecting Messages from relatives and
> friends.
> After reading the first message, she
> Screamed and fainted.
>
> The widow's son rushed into the room,
> Found his mother on the floor,
> And
> Saw the computer screen which read:
> To: My Loving Wife
> Subject: I've Arrived
> Date: October 16, 2007
> I know you're surprised to hear from me.
> They have computers here now
> And you are allowed to send emails
> To your loved ones.
> I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've Seen that everything has
> been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
> Looking forward to
> Seeing you then!
> Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
> P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!

OMG SHOES!!!!!! - Philly Flower Show 2009 - Part 1

2009-03-24T13:40:00.003-04:00

So I went to the Philadelphia Flower Show with my mom at the beginning of March.
It was great. I had gotten her tickets to attend the Garden Tea there for xmas as a mother/daughter thing. Awww...yeah I know.

I took so many pictures, there is no way I will put them up all in one post, so I'll start with the most memorable. THE SHOES!!!!!!!!

Holy crap, these shoes were exquisite and made from fresh flowers.
AMAZING.

There really isn't much I can say about them that will do the pictures justice, so without much ado, here they are.....(although I must say I found it odd and amusing that while I was trying to squeeze in to get some pics and every time I passed by, there were mostly men trying to snap shots of them....weird.)

And my personal favorites:

THREE!

2009-03-21T20:20:00.002-04:00

MY baby had her 3rd birthday party today.
She looked so purdy!
Everyone had a good time.
I drank over half a giant bottle of Arbor Mist Strawberry Zinfandel by myself.
Yes I know, alcohol at a kiddy party - but they totally didn't notice.
You don't know this family haha - anyway it was fun.

Bye!

Ha Ha Cripple

2009-03-19T20:57:00.002-04:00

My friend Cat broke her arm or something and so I've been calling her a cripple because I'm a jerk like that. Here's some dark cripple humor.

Old People Shouldn't Drive

2009-03-18T15:51:00.001-04:00

ter1byte: we went to get ice cream after the park
ter1byte: I had the kids in the car - just buckled in Marilyn when some stupid old ladies pulled up behind my car and totally just bumped it while I was standing right fucking there.....
ter1byte: the car is fine, kids are fine...
ter1byte: but I couldn't believe it!
ter1byte: I even grabbed the car to pull it back because it started rolling forward just for a second....
ter1byte: not even a mark, just some dust that wiped right off....but I was like how the fuck do you not see a big red car right in front of you
ter1byte: old people shouldn't drive!
ter1byte: that's actually the name of one of the songs on [my old band's] CD I was listening to today.....go figure

And now a random picture that has nothing to do with my posted content:

What do YOU Watch When Watching the Watchmen?

2009-03-14T13:42:00.003-04:00

Coversation with my friend, the Angry Gnome:

ter1byte: we went to see the Watchmen last night
AnGry gn0mE: how did you like it
ter1byte: it was pretty good
ter1byte: some of the sex stuff was like jeez ok already
ter1byte: lol
AnGry gn0mE: haha yea that was overkill
ter1byte: got a little slow at the end
ter1byte: I was annoyed there were some juvenile dudes behind us that got all pissy and verbally uncomfortable everytime they saw the blue penis
AnGry gn0mE: they went ahead and elaborated on that nonsense
AnGry gn0mE: LOL
AnGry gn0mE: so much blue weenie!
AnGry gn0mE: i think they showed even more blue weenie than the book
AnGry gn0mE: the movie had its flaws, i wasnt all that happy about how they changed the ending, but overall i loved it
ter1byte: I was like get over it
ter1byte: they've had boobs and crotches of women for YEARS and it's like oh finally they get some dick up there and it's the end of the world - give me a break - it's about time they put up some eye candy for the ladies.
AnGry gn0mE: hahaha
AnGry gn0mE: and its not even a real weiner
ter1byte: oh no?
AnGry gn0mE: men are dumb
ter1byte: wtf
AnGry gn0mE: nah its a model they used
ter1byte: they were like high schoolers I think
ter1byte: a model penis?
ter1byte: jeez
AnGry gn0mE: yep
ter1byte: well it was a nice model penis
ter1byte: I would have liked to have seen it harder
ter1byte: lol
AnGry gn0mE: actually i think the cock was CGI
AnGry gn0mE: haha
ter1byte: he must really have been depressed
ter1byte: imagine being that person that animated that thing
AnGry gn0mE: lolol
ter1byte: lol - you can totally write MADE A DICK on your resume
ter1byte: was a pretty good story though
AnGry gn0mE: hahaha made a dick
ter1byte: loved the part where inkface said "I'm not stuck in here with you, you're stuck in here with ME" - total badassery

Same topic, different person (ChurchPunkMom)

ter1byte: I just watched Zoolander for the first time like right now
ter1byte: it wasn't even a real penis!
ajnkjsmom: no, it wasn't
ajnkjsmom: but zohan is hilarious
ter1byte: heh
ajnkjsmom: it seems the only movies they put any dick in is comedy.. and it's generally just outrageous
ajnkjsmom: semi-pro was another one
ter1byte: yeah
ter1byte: it was nice to see some serious dick
ajnkjsmom: and harold and kumar 2
ter1byte: hahaha
ajnkjsmom: lol.. serious dick
ter1byte: :-D
ter1byte: do you want me to change your AIM name - I'm putting up part of this conversation
ter1byte: on blog
ter1byte: I don't even care anymore
ajnkjsmom: nah.. go for it ;-)
ter1byte: ok
ajnkjsmom: i talk about boobs enough.. people may as well know i talk about penis too, so they don't think i'm a esbo
ajnkjsmom: lesbo
ajnkjsmom: dang.. can't type
ter1byte: ha
ter1byte: you are totally bi
ajnkjsmom: LOL
ter1byte: ok I put up my blog
ajnkjsmom: you wish ;-)
ter1byte: no YOU wish
ter1byte: that's how I know you're bi
ter1byte: because only bi women like me
ter1byte: lol
ajnkjsmom: LOL

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

2009-03-13T10:54:00.002-04:00

A joke:

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is

and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.

Can I come with him tomorrow?'

Forget Pork Belly, Get a Bacon Bra!

2009-03-12T14:27:00.001-04:00

Wheel of Misfortune

2009-03-09T11:55:00.000-04:00

Yeah, you know you went "OMG!" too....
Then realized, "Oh duh....NAGGERS."

I Want to Go to Japan

2009-03-04T09:04:00.000-05:00

Translation of the kitchen scene @ 5:15:

Kitchen staffer with glasses: “What’s this? There’s a camera going around.”

Other lady off camera: “What’s wrong?”

3rd lady: (LAUGHING) “Hey- it’s okay, it’s on a blue plate!”

Lady off camera: “The customer’s inside? Whose is this?”

Lady holding plate: “There’s a camera here someone may have forgotten!”

Lady in glasses: “Yeah, that’s it, they’ve forgotten it.”

Older lady in background: “Put it back- it’s a mistake!”

Lady: (WALKING WITH PLATE) “We’re in trouble.”

She rings the bell, and the sushi chefs come to the window.

Lady: “This was going around and taking video…”

Chef: “Ah, this, it’s probably a customer’s. Umm, it’s a foreigner.”

Lady: “They put it on here?”

Chef: “Yeah, they tried putting it out, to take a video. Of the, er, of the scenery.”

Plate goes round, back to girls.

Sushi Chef: (TO GIRLS) “Oh, it came back, didn’t it?

(taken from April Winchell's blog

Alright...since someone actually cares...

2009-03-03T09:24:00.002-05:00

I'll throw some abstract references to my daily grind in here from time to time.
I've just become more interested in writing songs again....something I haven't had the energy to do in a long time. I have recently rekindled my love for music - both writing and listening - and I am really excited about it.

So excited, actually, that I'm getting down on myself because I want to do it so much that I am less interested in my daily responsibilities, family, etc. Not that I mean to neglect them or even wish to push them all away, but I think I've got a new obsession with it because it is surprisingly really good...at least I am optimistic that with the right collaborative effort, my stuff might actually be completed and enjoyed by others. Something I always dreamed about but started to think was just out of reach for so long.

I feel guilty. Guilty for wanting to do this thing for myself and wanting to get away from my family. I love my family, but I've got an obsession that's not only exciting me but making me miserable....but the misery, you see, is what's inspiring me....my lyrics, my music, my ideas....didn't I fucking say misery makes you write well? Same shit applies today, only now it's music instead of trying to write a fucking novel.

Yet another thing I can't stand about myself: indecision.
One day I'm gonna be a pastry chef.
Another day I'm gonna be an author.
Next day I'm a fucking musician again.
And over and over and over.

The only thing any of my career or hobby desires have in common is creative design.
Not the hokey "religion" but me wanted to imagine something new and make it manifest into the lives of other people. Whatever it is that I create, it must be useful or utilitarian. When I made sculptures, they have to also serve a function besides just existing. I write music because I want to not only express myself but I want very much for whoever hears it to be able to relate or be moved by it. When I write fiction, I want the reader to escape with me and enjoy my words. When I write in my blog, I'm hoping someone reads it and gives a shit about whatever crap I am talking about that day - maybe just to entertain.

All I know is, I'm tired of feeling that every pleasure in life has to come with a helping of guilt.
A night out with friends = don't be home late, get a babysitter, whatever.
Shopping - Why did you buy that? We don't need that. We are on a budget.
Hair and make up - same shit

I just....I don't know. Writing is free in more than one way. It doesn't cost anything to do and I can do any fucking thing I want in a story or some prose. In this way, a work of fiction would be the most guilt-free, besides the fact that it would probably require some alone time. With music, I have to leave the house when the lyrics are done....it requires collaboration because I just never really learned any one instrument well enough besides my voice to do it all alone. Therefore, I have to go out and away to be in the company of those who are not my family. Which is all fine and good....but....I find myself not wanting to come back. I could work on this shit until I passed out. But that's just me. And it is this reason that I feel guilt. I'm tired of feeling guilty.

Isn't there some pleasure a mother and wife can have that doesn't sour the sweet?
I'm gonna go cry now.

Nothing.

2009-03-02T09:24:00.000-05:00

I am writing on paper now.

Goodbye blogger.

For now.

Tempest in a Teacup

2009-02-28T14:10:00.002-05:00

Storms are sexy.
Intense.
Exciting.
Electrifying.
They are a wonder in of themselves, no regard for consequence, no cares, no emotions, just pure energy.
No two storms are exactly the same, despite their similar qualities.
The outcome and the aftermath is never predictable.
The question really, if there is need for one, is whether to use an umbrella, stay indoors, or flip caution to the wind and go out to dance in the rain.

Either way....the one truth is, they never last forever.

Sixteen Candle Interview - from Rooked

2009-02-26T22:07:00.011-05:00

My yes-indeedy-let's-be-seedy blogger friend over at Rooked was nice enough to give me an interview. I was wondering what kind of provocative questions he might ask me and now I'm delighted to share them (at this current moment I haven't read all of them yet though lol) with my answers. No rules, just write.
Here we go!

1. Is there one watershed moment that you feel has transformed your life? If yes…well…what was it and how did it change you?

So many interesting things have happened to me and I've been to so many interesting places that this is actually a tough question to answer. These things have always crept up on me or perhaps I was just so open minded, soaking in everything I could like a sponge that I can't recall a pivotal moment that changed my life. There have been bad things and good things. None really seem to have totally changed my life. I was confronted by a man with a knife when I was 9, but I got away...luckily he told me to follow him around the corner and not make me go first. It was broad daylight at an elementary school in mid-summer right across the street from my house. I suppose later in life I realized that night time was nothing to be afraid of because day time was not necessarily a walk in the park anyway. I am equal opportunity time of day for good and evil. I have been watchful and street smart ever since, but I've never had a problem going anywhere alone. So I suppose I'm glad I didn't get a complex or something.

I think a trip to NYC for new years 1998/1999 was a turning point for me. I couldn't afford to go from TX to NYC - you see, when you don't live near the east coast, NYC is actually a big deal. So when my friend told me she had some guy, an acid dealer who looked more like a computer parts dealer, who wanted some company to NY and would fly us free and put us up in a hotel, I was all about it! We stayed at the Renaissance Hotel with a room overlooking Times Square...and then to the Flathotel for a couple of days. I met a guy at a goth club there that totally took me on a wild whirlwind love affair. Wow was he hot and wild and dreamy. But he was kind of a nutty Jersey boy too. (People who say things like "I should have got you pregnant so you'd stay with me are nutty). My friend brought a guy friend of hers along too. Back in TX, I eventually ended up dating him later (he was closer and nicer and had his shit together) and lived with for 3 years. There was some confusion on my part at the beginning of all of this mind you. I liked them both for a while and couldn't decide what to do. But I ended up with my local southern man. I thought I was going to marry him. He never asked me though. And I was young and stupid anyway. After I moved to PA, he found someone new and married her right after he asked me to move to TN with him. I haven't heard from him since. The funniest part is I have Mr. Whirlwind as a friend on myspace now. I'm constantly passing ships in the night. Now that I live in the Philly area and have been to NYC a few times for various reasons, it's not as magical I guess. I totally love those fresh candy peanuts you get from the street carts though. Nothing like it in the world.

2. Given the current political and socioeconomic climate in Mr. Obama’s America, what are you more frightened of, the Zombie Apocalypse or Werewolves?

Neither. I still maintain that zombis are only made in Haiti and werewolves either don't exist or wouldn't care for what I have in my pantry anyway, so I'm not worried. Unless of course you mean those Furry people. In that case, I suppose I'd have to go with Werewolf Furries because under Obama, they will feel like they can come out more often and try to steal the Turf from my Surf & Turf dinners that I like so much.

3. Do you believe that Bigfoot exists? And Why?

No. I'm tired of hearing about him honestly. I figured if he was real, he would be pissed about Harry and the Hendersons and kill somebody. If God and the Santa don't exist then neither does Bigfoot.

4. At what age did you experience Menarche?

Why would anyone really want to know that? That's like something an OB/GYN would ask or unsolicited information one female tells another when talking about puberty. Rooked isn't an OB/GYN, is he? God I hope not. I was 13.

5. If you could get away with murder, would you do it? (Feel free to elaborate.)

No, I am not a bloodthirsty savage. I wasn't raised by werewolves. I may be a little on the sadistic side, but I don't think I could actually want to kill someone even if it was a freebie. I am exceedingly empathetic yet I must say sometimes it can be an annoying trait. I did a Lakota coming of age ceremony called Buffalo Shield when I was 14 with a Native American girl friend of mine. At one point of our ancient traditional proceedings we had to spend the night outdoors in a circle of tobacco and not kill a living creature - even if it was a mosquito. So I curled up into my giant blanket, covering as much of my skin as possible just in case. I learned a lot about myself, nature and the world during that week.

Sorry if I disappointed! I do love to read and write about murder though. Murder mysteries & suspense FTW! Explain that!

6. One word question: Anal?

Absolutely.

7. Why did you start blogging in the first place?

I started one in 2002, My Two Cents, which is now lost for the moment since I had it stored on a private domain. It is now either lost forever or sitting in an archive on my hard drive. I'll have to check some time. Basically it was like a journal, a diary, somewhere to stick all my random thoughts, ideas and funny internet things that I thought I might like to see again. It was also interesting to look back and see what I was doing in the past. Maybe learn something from it. There weren't comments or anything enabled back then and so I wasn't worried about how many people read or if anyone read at all. I did write as if I had an audience, but it wasn't really about attention as far as I can remember. Now may be a little different simply because I've started getting into the comment thing. Not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

8. Do you really feel you have anything of value to say in your writing?

Some days I do. Some days I do not. Most days I do not. But this has been the case with writing songs, stories, and any other writing art form I've done. I can't figure out what it is I would want to say to Everyone. But at the same time, it would be nice to know that they were wondering what's this Teri girl about?

When I am feeling as if my words are useful or important, it is because I've discovered something for myself that I believe could be applied elsewhere. I use analogies constantly. These really seem to help people with problem solving. They can also be amusing. Humor and learning are good bedfellows.

I don't generally feel like I'm a bringer of news. I'm not timely enough for a job like that. So what I bring to the table are tales of the heart, analyzing the psyche, and lots and lots of sex-talk. It's a shame intimate details of sex are so socially taboo, because I'm really good at it. It's not like you can just walk around talking about it because then you're just a slut or something. But I know damn well even the prudest of the prude don't have their kids delivered by the stork. Everyone poops and everyone has sex. Get over it already, people.

I think when I'm old I'm going to be like Dr. Ruth or something....only I won't give out medical advice like "sure condomless anal sex is safe...you won't get AIDS that way." LOL

9. Do you feel your life experience can actually help anyone else?

I think we are all connected and can learn from each other....and some people, not from a blog per se, have told me that hearing some of my stories has helped them. In some cases in real life and on the internet, I have been blessed enough to have inspired others to create works of art....and that means more to me than most things. If I could choose to be a mythological creature, it would be a Muse.

10. Have you ever engaged in multiple partner sexual activity? If so…are there films/pictures, why did you do it and were motorcycles involved?

LOL! No motorcycles. No films. No pictures of anything totally shocking. Maybe a shot of me in a bikini and socks, but that was preliminary stuff anyway.

But yes. Multiples. Ahhh.

I've been part of a FFM scenario, but I didn't want the female near my girly bits. I just don't dig chicks that way. So when it came time for her to get hers, I just watched.

Now I am proud to say I managed to get two totally heterosexual, good-looking males to engage in a MFM scenario. Now THAT was a life changing experience! To this day I still fantasize about being a Chinese Finger Cuff. Delicious.

11. What is the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen (excluding your progeny)?

Just for the record, I had to look up THREE words from your questions in the dictionary. I am both embarrassed AND impressed by your vocabulary. Big vocab is the verbal equivalent of a big penis to me.

Oh yeah, what was the question? Most beautiful thing I've seen besides my kids....

I would have to say Lake Tahoe. There are plenty of beautiful images from space, women, paintings, animals and landscapes that I have been struck by....but I will never forget Lake Tahoe at sunset. Standing on the edge of a frozen, snow-covered sand bank, the water was a lovely blend of violet, lavender, royal blue and periwinkle. The gray, snow-capped mountains in the distance reflected in the water, while the sky blushed a rosy pink, coral and orange. A couple of ducks were waddling nearby as my feet crunched in the resident snow. It was so quiet and peaceful. I was so happy there.

12. If you die and get to meet God, what one question will you most want to ask Him?

What's for dinner and what do we do next?

13. Have you ever contemplated suicide? If yes…what stayed your hand?

I thought about how pathetic it would be if I were to be gone and nobody would miss me. But I know better. I suppose considering some of my family members have considered it before, I am lucky that I have never truly felt like I wanted to or would do it for any reason.

14. Would you rather take Important Advice and Guidance from a Ouija Board or a Magic 8 Ball?

A Magic 8 Ball. At least that is guided by probability, a mathematical guess. You'd have similar odds just guessing for yourself so that works for me. Ouija, man, who knows who the fuck is trying to give you advice? Jack the Ripper? Mae West? Hitler's girlfriend? (by the way, I played once and supposedly talked to Eva Brown. I didn't know who she was at the time).

15. Do you believe in Ghosts? (Loaded Time-Bomb) And why?

I do but I don't know why I do. My mother claims to have had a few experiences with them in her youth. Her stories are pretty cool. She heard sweeping coming from the kitchen at night when she lived with her mother and had to stay on the couch one night. She kept going in there to look but nothing was there. Eventually she yelled "SHUTUP!" and it stopped. The previous owner was an elderly lady who lived alone.

She also claims to have seen a black silhouette walking around the roof of the house across the way one early morning. It turned it's head toward her but still had no features...after it clearly noticed her watching, it jumped off the roof with no sound, disappeared and the guard dog did not notice anything.

I have not experienced anything supernatural.
So I can sort of see how it's possible and have explored many different explanations for it all, but I really am kind of neutral on the subject.

16. If you only had twelve hours left to live…how would you spend it?

I would jump out of an airplane. Eat delicious meals. I would tell my husband and kids I love them. Hug all the family members I could get to and talk to the rest on the phone. I would have sex. I would drive to the ocean and look at it again. I would listen to the waves and breathe in the air. I would kiss. I would make a joke about the life span of Mayflies. I would go skinny dipping in broad daylight. I would finally rent a penthouse suite in a nice hotel. And I would die snuggling.

It's a shame it would be only 12 hours. There are so many places I've always wanted to travel.

What a SAD DEPRESSING QUESTION! JESUS!

************************************************************************

Thank you, Rookie.
I enjoyed answering them almost as much as I enjoyed having you ask me questions.
You're a doll - now I suppose I owe you a picture for your "collection"?
:D
(No, it's not gonna be a nudie!)

Standing by Candles in a Cool Glove

2009-02-26T21:58:00.001-05:00

White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos

Infinite Galaxies in the Wine

2009-02-24T15:14:00.004-05:00

In between sleep and awake. It's a special place where so many astounding experiences lie and yet seldom can one remember them.
Dreams, my dreams in particular, are wild, vivid, emotional, colorful, strange, intense, eye-opening, weird, scary and sexy in any random order on any given night.
And I generally remember them all.
I don't know if that's amazing or a curse.

Rarely do people want to hear about them - especially my husband.
"They're just dreams," he says. "They're not real."

Well they matter to me because I dreamed them!
This is MY subconscience we're talking about!

Last night was an extraordinary occurrence, however.
I lay on the couch, curled up in the corner, resting my head on the arm and a pillow; my husband sat upright on his side of the couch. Together we watched a recorded National Geographic special on the Hubble telescope, a subject that my husband is well-informed on and yet still interested in enough to read articles and record these shows about. I am fascinated with the images brought to us by Hubble too, just not as much as he is. So I watch the show and listen to my husband's comments and remember some of my Astronomy, re-learning and understanding better things like supernovae, the birth of stars and black holes.

Eventually my exhaustion and relaxation turn into dozing and then to sleeping and somehow within only minutes REM & dreaming. Every now and again something would arouse me, either a word or a prod from my spouse or from the television. Each time I fluttered awake, I realized what I was dreaming and what I was hearing. Information was still pouring into my ear and being processed and understood by my brain even though I was dreaming about events from the day. Morning coffee, evening wine, I can't remember it all now, but you get the point.

What is astounding is that I was learning, processing, and applying information in my dreams....and coming up with new ideas. At the time, these ideas were only profound when I woke up.

I dreamt of a close up of the dark burgundy red liquid, held so delicately in a sturdy glass, only within that liquid were galaxies upon galaxies. Infinite galaxies, swirling and moving, existing separately or colliding if too close to each other's gravitational pulls.....I imagined them glittering and burning for ages and all they entail, countless stars and minerals and elements and life forms. Floating in a sea of red, yet was contained in a glass that I could hold elegantly in my hand....

After a few more minutes of dozing, another epiphany: Concept Synesthesia.
If you don't know what synesthesia is, here is the definition.
It is a blending of sensory experiences, usually hearing and vision, sometimes other senses. Like tasting a color or seeing images or colors when hearing certain sounds.

What I experienced was somthing I named "concept synesthesia".
The concept was Singularity. A singularity has a few definitions (mainly mathematical) because it is a difficult concept to wrap your head around. Basically it is "a point in space where any of the properties of matter or space-time become singular - i.e. infinite or zero. Thus in the limit density, pressure and space-time curvature become infinite and volume becomes zero."
In the case of supernovae, those that are so huge and dense in matter, those that spin so fast and so hot and are so unstable, the energy it has blasting outward is burned up and they eventually explode in on themselves, yet the insane amount of gravity pushing in on itself still remains, therefore pushing all of that matter in on itself until it is so small and so dense that it becomes a singularity in which no matter and no light can escape. In other words, a black hole.

It was this concept of singularity that I was considering while dreaming and while I woke up at one point....and in that moment between sleep and awake (which we shall call In-Between), my brain also considered the specifics of In-Between, whatever you call it for real, and decided at once that it was at that moment of clarity that my concept of the In-Between and the concept of singularity at the same time was actually a singularity in itself. And that blew my mind.

Then my husband told me I should get up so I could go to bed.
Which I always thought was such a ridiculous thing to say to someone, even if I'm the one saying it. It's like something you'd hear someone say on a sitcom. "Wake up! So you can go to bed!" Duh.

There were so many other really out there ideas flowing in my mind at the time, but those are the two that I made a point to remember as I was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep again. I would have written them down but I was too comfortable to get up and find a pen and paper without my contacts in.

The image of galaxies floating in a glass of wine was so cool, I can't even explain it because it was more than just the imagery -it was the idea of what they all contained, the infinity of it all in the direction of smaller and not larger was really different. When I think of infinity, I usually think outward, or linear, far away from myself.....but this time, it was something smaller than me and getting EVEN SMALLER and it wasn't even from me, it was in a glass, totally separate from me, and I had nothing at all to do with this amazing relationship between a container and infinity...only an observer.

Fuck Me.

2009-02-23T19:47:00.002-05:00

Jesus God Christ Fuck.

The title of this post is like a double double double entendre.

And why the fuck isn't entendre in the spell checker dictionary?
What a stupid piece of shit this spell check is!

Wanna know what happened today?
Well, too bad!

Took Whinocerous to observe a ballet dance class that she will probably be attending on Monday mornings. The teacher is a new friend of mine, our husbands work together.
I think she will love it. She participated in the last 5 minutes of class with the only other girl in the class who is 3 and she did everything she was instructed to do. I was proud. But once the "ballerina" left, she didn't want anything to do with the instructor, the ever genuinely saccharine sweet and beautiful Noell. Usually people who are chipper and cutesy and sweet annoy the crap out me, but she is actually genuine and is super animated and excited so I have grown quite fond of her.

Then I have to take Little Guy to the doctor this afternoon to get him some immunization shots. I waited for an hour before I saw anyone. I hate that. I mean I got him weighed and stuff, but still. The grumpy old fat nurse with foundation make up way too dark for her face asked me if I wanted to guess his weight. I said 19lbs.
She says in a most flat you-were-wrong tone of voice, "No. He's 18lbs 9oz."

OH shut the fuck up, you crotchety old biddy. Next time I'll give him a bottle and then you can shove your couple of ounces up your ass. She could have just said "Oh that's close!" or "Almost!" or she could have just said "Hey $20 bucks if you guess his weight EXACTLY TO THE FUCKING OUNCE." Give me a break. Just don't ask me next time, asshat.

So anyway....shots to cute babies are no fun.
You don't really need to details. But keeping a 1 year old busy at a pediatrician's office in a little room with NO TOYS (yea WTF, a PED WITH NO TOYS) is no east task. Plus I didn't want him touching anything because who knows what kind of germs are laying around from other sickly kids. Last time I was there for a WELL VISIT, my kids ended up sick from some shit and we never go anywhere so I know it wasn't my house.

Blah blah blah, we did potty learning today too.
I'm pissed because my husband tells me that we can't afford dance class really even though we are cutting out Comcast phone and premium cable channels and I'd have to potty train her or something to cut costs on diapers or something to be able to send her...which totally bums me out. Something fun without repercussions? Oh NO! Not that! It's always something. Ugh. I hate money.

So I decide well fuck I might as well try again - off with the diapers!
I put her in panties before I left for the doctor so my husband could have to watch her like a hawk while I was out since it was his idea anyway. One might call that passive aggressive....but I like to think I am blatant and obvious when I'm pissy, I don't do that sneaky shit if I can help it.

Well she pissed on the floor while I was gone.
And she pissed a few more times until the 3 pairs of panties I actually had for her were soaked, so....just let her be half naked. We got maybe a few dribbles from the aftermath into the potty, but I guess that's how you start.

I made my husband remove the industrial carpet area rug we had in the living room out to the trash. It was nasty anyway from baby puke, pee, poo who knows what else has been spilled on it over the past few years. It was time for it to go anyway. I'm not potty training on a carpet. FUCK THAT. It's much easier to clean up a hardwood floor. So that's that. She's back in diapers for the night though. Baby fell asleep early but as I was putting her to bed she tells me "Mommy, you poop." Which means "I pooped" but hey, he she you I whatever. So I turn on the light because I don't want to go back downstairs after we just did the turning out of the lights routine to changer her and of course the baby wakes up and I'm pissed and I change her damn poop and then I have to go make a bottle which I wish my husband would have done while I was changing the diaper even after I said go make one but he just stood there trying to shush the baby.....omg what a run on sentence......anyway I give it to him and he goes quiet with it and after some nice (very strained attempts at nice at this point) soothing talk and breathing in and out exercises she goes to bed. And here I am. BLoGGinG and Wine-ing....yet again with the wine. Had to finish off that bottle from the other night before it goes bad.

And when I say "Fuck Me", yeah it means "WHAT A DAY!" but I could use a good fucking in bed too. That's for sure. Oh but wait...it's that time of the month. Lucky me.

Clarification on Open Drunkeness

2009-02-22T08:34:00.002-05:00

Normally I don't do this: make a new post based on a couple of comments from my last post....but I believe I have been a little fuzzy in what I was trying to say.

I know I wasn't drunk/wasted/obliterated etc. Haha!
I know what it is to blather on to people when you're sloshed.
I know that 2 glasses of wine = a healthy hearty dose of tipsy.

I think I came across as kind of a newbie to alcohol or something LOL and that definitely isn't the case at all!
I was trying to be sarcastic because my good buddy zip bag of bones has been trying to goad me by telling me I'm drunk when I'm not which I'm only guessing is supposed to be some kind of joke or insult that my every day thinking and style of talking is kind of whacked out/loopy/crazy/dingy/god who knows what that girl is thinking anyway. She better be damned excited that she not only got one but TWO posts about her little messages to me because, whether she knows it or not, she obviously has some kind of effect on me OR I just care too much about what she has to say.

Besides, it's obvious I wasn't totally drunk otherwise I wouldn't have even recognized that I was doing those silly tipsy things like calling everyone on my list and shooting the breeze.
If I was that drunk I wouldn't have been blogging OR if I was, I wouldn't have checked my spelling or fixed my numerous typos from typing too fast and never correcting my keyboard/typewriter fingering when I first learned.

Now, if you don't mind, I shall go back to my morning tea.

English Breakfast Tea.
Black.

OPEN DRUNKENESS

2009-02-21T23:22:00.003-05:00

Tonight I had some wine. The effects are teetering off now so I'm not feeling as giddy or self-righteous or nostalgic anymore.....BUT.....I am feeling the chill in the basement air where I am sitting and I am READY to say publicly that I got tipsy tonight.

Now there is a certain SOMEONE who has been playfully insisting that I am drunk whenever I leave her internet messages....but they are all LIES. TOTAL. LIES.
You hear me!?!?!

I am naturally carefree and whimsical and silly and many other things that most people have to swill liquid courage in order to do. Not my fault.

So I am setting the record straight!
I was drunk tonight! Listening to blues on the radio. Well, almost drunk anyway, I wasn't smashed or anything after 2 glasses of wine.....but still. And I called like 10 people on my cell phone. At first I only called people who were musicians that I knew because the blues inspired me to start singing again. Then I started calling people from my past and started going down memory lane with the ones that actually answered their phone. I got a few numbers that didn't work anymore or belonged to someone new and did some updates. It was really good to catch up with old friends though. People I didn't know were really friends because it had been so long. I need to remember to warm up those old tin can and strings sometimes. It's a cold winter. We could all use some warmth.

Oh yeah....so shutup, Cat! You old shit-talker you!
I'm on to you! I can smell your sarcasm from...wait I gotta pull up Google maps....from 5 states away! Or 3 states and 2 Great Lakes if you take the north route.....but yeah! THE JIG IS UP!

TGIF LAWLZ

2009-02-20T13:04:00.004-05:00

Redneck Rainbows

Dude, seriously.....the question is not "What is going on here?", the question is
"What the fuck are they teaching in schools?"
Are you fucking kidding me this idiot really thinks rainbows near the ground is a new phenomenon caused by some evil government substance oozing from the ground?
Maybe the water is poisoned by the gay! LOL

HEY LADIES!!!!!!

If you're single and you're tired of being lonely and will settle for anyone or if you just need a rebound guy,
THIS GUY IS TOTALLY AVAILABLE:

I Got in Trouble at the Kiddy Museum

2009-02-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I took my kids with a friend and her kids to the Please Touch Museum.
They have all kinds of neat pretend activities and exibits they can touch and play with. But I got carried away with the "do what you want" aspect.

ter1byte: I got in trouble at the Please Touch Museum
ajnkjsmom: no
ter1byte: while in the kitchen play room, we were sitting at a dining room table and kids were serving us meals and baking bread and whatever
ter1byte: Marilyn dropped something off the table and I started to tell her to be careful and not to make a mess
ter1byte: then I was like, wait we are at the Please Touch Museum, it's play food, they can do what they like here
ter1byte: so I said "let's be free! just make a mess, I'm too anal about it at home"
ter1byte: so in my liberation I started flinging things off the table on to the floor
ajnkjsmom: LOL
ter1byte: an attendant came over and told me they don't want things on the floor for safety reasons and that they try to teach kids to do things on their own the right way and to put things back etc....I was being a bad example.
ter1byte: I felt like shit.
ter1byte: So much for liberation of being a mess nazi.

I Have a Comment

2009-02-18T21:28:00.001-05:00

You know, I am ashamed of myself and taken aback by something I have learned just reading your post.

When my toddler makes messes, I get mad at her. I fail to see the child-like beauty that comes from her little genius mind....I don't even see it that way when it happens. For someone who claims to think outside the box, living a creative life, I am a mommy who has been way too anal about how clean that damn Box is.

My poor little Devil....I am so mean to her when she creates masterpieces, and I have the nerve to call them "messes" and "yucky" and "Why-did-you-do-that?s". I feel just awful. And I wonder why she acts out at me.

Too peppery pork chop bits swirled in a cup of water.

Cereal milk dribbled on the table and spread around with finger-painting smears and a complimentary splash on the floor.

Raisins spread out in a perfect copy of a fireworks blast, even some stuck down in the seam of the plastic picnic table that she sits at...what detail.

I've decided not to yell or ask her why she did that or grunt Marge Simpson grumbles, or hiss "GOD!" when I have to clean these things up.

The only hard part is not resenting the fact that even if I do concede to consider them works of art, I still have to do the dirty work after the fact. I can't imagine my husband coming home to sticky-milk-floor, raisin confetti and cloudy water and hearing me say "It's Art."

Mess-terpieces.

Too Sick in the Head To Take a Joke

2009-02-17T09:40:00.002-05:00

My grandmother sent me this joke in an email. And yes, it was kind of funny.
But I discovered that my mind is so twisted, I couldn't exactly enjoy the joke for it's simplicity. No. Read the joke and I'll tell you what I mean.

***********
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in?real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,"Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

***********

Hardy har, right?
Well the first thing that came to my mind when he pulled her pants down was, "Oh shit, it's gonna rape her because she can't do anything about it." And of course I was all fucked up about it - you know what a horrible thought - and so the joke wasn't as funny as it could have been. I suppose this is how I think of primal man. Sad, isn't it?

COMING SOON - Spatially Aware Toy Blocks?!?!? AWESOME!!!

2009-02-15T12:54:00.005-05:00

This has to be the COOLEST THING in technology involving how we humans interact with digital media that I've ever seen.

I totally want some for me and my kids. The ideas using this kind of technology are endless!

Just watch....this is the future people. It is upon us.

The Truth About Blogging

2009-02-14T20:20:00.002-05:00

Bittersweets & Brownies

2009-02-14T15:47:00.006-05:00

I went ahead and made those brownies from scratch a la Doll Face Daily, only I didn't have light brown sugar so I used dark brown sugar which I did have. Unfortunately it was all hard as a rock and clumpy, so I spend about 20 minutes with my clean hand in the batter, manually squishing up each sugar rock so it could be mixable.
I have never been so intimate with a batter. o.O

I didn't stop there with the change ups either....instead of dark chocolate chips I used Ghirardelli milk chocolate chips, which is more my style anyway.

Well, they turned out pretty good. As far as scratch brownies vs. box brownies, I think this recipe indeed gives Duncan Pilsbury Crocker a run for their money. And I didn't even have to run out and get anything to do it! I had all the ingredients in my pantry already which is amazing to me. I'm usually missing one or two things. Granted I didn't actually have light brown sugar, but I figured since I'm using milk chocolate, I could make up for the missing "dark" using the brown sugar haha.

I licked the batter from the bowl and the beaters. Yum.
AND I even had a piece when they were ready.
So if I can not be totally sick of it by the time I slime my gluttonous face with batter to eat the finished product, I know it's good. Rock on! And thanks Doll Face.
You made my VD nice and sweet and chocolaty. *thumbs up*

That recipe is going in my "Yummy Recipes" book.
If you read my blog, please leave a comment and tell me what name I should give them.
Doll Face Brownies? Or perhaps the name of whoever came up with the recipe.

Oh yes and let's not forget the Bittersweets.
Tonight I will be attending a little Anti-Valentine's get together at a friend's house. I purchased some Bittersweets from a website and will be bringing the "Dumped" version.
My favorite one reads, "CELEB8 THX2U". *chuckle*

Kill Your Inspiration Then Sing About Your Grief

2009-02-13T21:56:00.008-05:00

I've been happy.
I've been too happy to write beautiful things.
For some reason it is so much easier to write like a champion when you feel like shit.
Or at least melancholy.

But when one is content....how can you lift your fingers to the keyboard or pick up a pen?
When one is content....what do you say?
How do you describe happiness without simplifying it and sounding like Bjork fiddling with herself?
Even her best stuff spawned from something awry. OR at least some unquenchable desire she had.

In a forest pitch-dark
Glowed the tiniest spark
It burst into flame
Like me, like me

My name Isobel
Married to myself
My love Isobel
Living by herself

In a heart full of dust
Lives a creature called lust
It surprises and scares
Like me,like me

When she does it she means to
Moth delivers her message
Unexplained on your collar
Crawling in silence
A simple excuse *

I suppose when I do try and get the old creative juices flowing, it doesn't help either that my children are the children who never sleep. Constant interruptions in private time and much needed sleep time can drive a person who wants nothing but to be a good mommy to the brink of postal meltdowns and face-melting anxiety attacks. That guy at the end of Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark comes to mind.
At least he got a decent night's rest before his face melted off.

But I digress.

I could be a Southern Lady sippin' sun tea on my back porch, sittin' in mah rockin' chair, fashioning a good ol' murder mystery.
I could be a laid back yet well-to-do wine maker living on a northern California vineyard enjoying my latest 2 year concoction ripe with hints of plum and chocolate, fetching the last details of my tragic romance novel.
I could be sitting on the deck of a bungalow on a beach either in Thailand or Bora Bora, glancing at sea turtles, sipping fresh piña coladas, smelling the sweetness of just-picked orchids, pounding out chapters of a psychological thriller.

But no. I am sitting in a basement, wishing I was travelling somewhere, yet loving every minute of any time I get to go out to a place and eat, whether it's pizza, cheese steaks and beer like tonight, or twin rock lobster tails like last weekend. That shit just makes me happy. And when I'm happy, I just want to sit on the couch, listen to relaxing music and fall asleep.

But I don't really want to fall asleep.

I have a problem. It's called - not allowing myself to relax.
If I sit down for a few minutes I feel like I have to spring up and do something.
Unless it's a lazy day. Then I just whine about how I don't feel good and don't want to get up, but that's not REALLY relaxing you see, because I make myself miserable the whole time by telling myself I should be doing something else.

So I was at that point tonight.
I put the kids to bed. Hubby went to his friend's house for a party.
I put on some soothing music so the kids could hear something going on in the house and not scary silence.
And I sat down.
And I listened.
And I was soothed.
And I got drowsy.
And I realized that I didn't plan on sleeping so soon.
I realized that I had wanted to bake brownies from scratch from a recipe I found on Doll Face Daily.
I realized I wanted to write something poignant in my blog for a change instead of the slew of pictures I've been putting up of my kids and of things I thought were funny today (even though nobody commented probably because they didn't think they were as funny as I did or because they were looking for something thoughtful and not silly and stupid but whatever, that's entertainment people, shutup and get over it if that's the case *deep breath*)

And it hit me.
What the fuck do I write about?
I've got all this talent and creativity and ambition.
All these ideas spew forth from me constantly (food critic, novel writer, song writer, singer, pastry chef, studier of humanities and international cultures).
But my motivation is a joke. I have no motivation other than moving myself forward in some direction.
And the punchline is.......I have no direction! Well, technically I do, but if you didn't notice, they all point in different directions. I might as well be Alice in Wonderland.

But I can't even keep up with a decent fucking blog.
I write a few good lines one day and I'm all excited.
Then the next day I realize....this is a big fucking joke, isn't it?
My large voice is really in a tiny room with a tiny window that a few people look into from time to time.

And that's fine.
There's nothing wrong with touching a few people.
Sometimes 1 out of 752398462394523 people will be touched in such a way that their entire life may be changed or possibly have a new perspective thrust upon them which is a catalyst for some kind of positive thing. Butterfly beats its wings.

You know I saw a therapist once for all kinds of unrelated stuff.
When I brought up a problem I have about being late or not making decisions on school or careers ever - changing my mind constantly, always wanting to do too much and everything instead of just one thing.....
Well, I told her I was late to my own wedding.
I don't know about you, but I didn't think it was possible to make a therapist drop her jaw and say "you're kidding".
At that moment I knew she wouldn't be able to help me, but I told my tale, saw her a few times and then quit.

I was very happy tonight, living my real life.
So why am I so depressed, mourning the unborn life of my creative writing world?
My characters? My novel? Where are they? How do I get them out of my brain?
I have an unfinished story with missing motives and undefined characters.
All I have for sure are a few vividly described scenarios but no earthly idea how they got there.

Do you have to be unhappy to unleash your inner-writer?
Let's ask Bono for good measure and call it a night, I guess.

It's no secret that a conscience can sometimes be a pest
It's no secret ambition bites the nails of success
Every artist is a cannibal, every poet is a thief
All kill their inspiration and sing about their grief
Oh love**

And shame on me for complaining about having a happy real life when so many people tell their beautiful tales of woe and sorrow, despair and desire, longing and needing, loneliness and pining, pain and suffering, confusion and restlessness.
Shame on me for resenting my good days and prosperous family times.
What's a girl like me to do?
Surely nobody should be feeling sorry for me....what a narcissistic jerk I am.
Ugh....and look what is this? A pity party for myself?
Ridiculous!

So you see, I'm happy and I make myself miserable and then I cry about my own self-made misery. Pfft. Lame.

I'll make brownies tomorrow.
I won't be starting my novel tonight either.
I won't even play WoW like I thought I might since husband isn't home.
I'm just gonna go to bed and maybe get some sleep.

* "Isobel" - Bjork
** "The Fly" - U2

TGIF - LAWLZ

2009-02-13T10:01:00.005-05:00

Parks are for Kids

2009-02-12T13:54:00.004-05:00

Pics from the Casino

2009-02-10T16:43:00.004-05:00

So we go from stuffing my face with crushed up crackers that I found in my purse before we head down to the pool (since I couldn't handle the taste of gin & tonic with no lime)....

(we totally laughed our asses off when he snapped this photo)....

....to artsy photos before we head down to dinner & gambling....

Amazing how many looks a woman can has.

My Kind of Fishie

2009-02-10T13:44:00.002-05:00

One Day'll Do Ya

2009-02-10T12:41:00.002-05:00

Oh what a fun trip.
We didn't win big money at the casino or anything, but as far as the gambling goes, we broke even. Even on the way out I turned $10 on the roulette table into $80, so that pretty much took care of the $60 breakfast we had lol.

It was a great time.
Hotel room $39 bucks.
Sex priceless of course.
Hot tub 6 floors down (although it was the family fun center and not the beautiful pool where there were kids in there) - we didn't have much time before the main adult pool closed (have to remember not to go on a Sunday next time DOH) for it to be worth it so we went to the one that was in our tower and stayed open an hour longer. It was fine though. We weren't all about swimming anyway. Back to the room, took a shower.

A little slot machine action (which I disapprove of because to me they are just money sucking vampires with no real payout).

We had a divine meal at McCormick & Shmick's Seafood restaurant and I had the twin rock lobster tails while he had the surf & turf (tail & filet mignon). Absolutely wonderful. I love going out to eat and it was right outside of our elevator!

Then off to the roulette table! I had never played that one before, I was into Craps for some reason, but we learned and now it's my favorite. More chances to win, more ways to spread your money around which makes it more fun to me.
We lost and won and lost and won and pretty much broke even. We did try some Blackjack even though we were intimidated, and we won 2 times in a row. Then I said, "Okay, that's enough." Something about that game makes me nervous. I loved it as a child and still like it, just not playing for money. It's so easy to lose lose lose! But we won twice and I was happy and decided I couldn't handle the anxiety lol. So we went back to the roulette.

We were kind of annoyed that there hadn't been a waitress to our area in 2 hours and we were not happy to be getting sober, so we went to the slot machines to see if we could get a drink. We waited and waited not wanting to put more money in the machines and then a waiter came out and we asked if he could serve us. He said he would love to but he could only serve in his area....You see his area was dead and he wanted to make some tips of course. So I asked him where his area was. He told me and I said, "We'll go to your section if you just please get us drunk." He said he would love to. I laughed.

I turned to my husband, "Let's go!"
He was like "what?" and I said "Get up! Follow that waiter!"
So we sat down at some nickel slots and stuck our cards in and played about $5 each. He kept coming back and forth with our drinks and we had nice conversation with him. He was a friendly dude, not like the zombies we saw earlier - especially the ones at the Trump Taj Mahal. (we had stopped there on the way to our casino hotel for some stupid reason and ended up having a ridiculously expensive lunch with crappy service and zombified servers then didn't even gamble because lines for shit were overflowing with really slow old people and their paraphernalia - wheelchairs, walkers, giant rolling suitcases, whatever). We didn't even gamble there because it was one deterrent after another....even the money wheel wasn't open which was all I wanted to do anyway so we left to go where we should have gone in the first place.

So our waiter dude was really cool, he was Greek and a few years younger than us, and I even admitted to my husband later that I thought he was pretty cute. He didn't want to hear that of course, but at least I'm honest I said haha.

Anyway, so we got toasty and I decided we should go back to the room and not spend any more money. It was 1am after all lol. We were so tired we didn't even get to do some more romping like planned and passed right out.

We woke up at 10am. I dreamed some really weird shit.
I know I woke up in the night with a bad dream about the kids.
But before I woke up for good I remember dreaming something about taking over some choir as the conductor and had them singing some crazy version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. I think I even dreamt about some of my exes that I sometimes do in a "I still want to be with you" kind of way, but this time was really cool because it was more of a "here you are but you know what, I don't think I want to be with you anymore" kind of way....which was nice because I was feeling justified being in the present and not wishing for some pipedream kind of past. Ahhh how refreshing. To actually be content with where you are in life. Plus or minus a few minor things, but that's human nature.

We thought about what we wanted to do.
Husband wanted to go work out, I wanted to see the big beautiful adult pool and hot tubs, and of course there was the matter of breakfast. I wanted a diner because I have a soft spot for diner food breakfasts, but we didn't want to leave the casino resort to do it, so that was out. All I know is I wanted some pancakes. There was also the matter of fulfilling part 2 of my Christmas present - a green tea foot and hand scrub - to be applied to my feet and hands by my husband.

Plan of action for day of departure.
We got dressed to go work out. Well it required a $10 fee so we said screw it, it was only for 30 min anyway. We walked around the pool and saw a sea of old fat walrus type people and decided this wasn't a good idea either. So we went across the way to the giant cafe which was decorated very modern and cozy. We had a delicious breakfast. I got my blueberry pancakes and sausage links. Coffee. Orange Juice. Husband had a ham & cheese omelette, which much to his dismay, contained Whiz, not real cheese. I said even shitty dive diners put real cheese on their omelettes. LOL
Cheap bastards. And yes....it came out to $60 after tip. Rip off casinos, I swear haha.

We went back to our room to finish up the plan, hot bath drawn for me, feet callouses scrubbed with a Dead Sea salt and oil scrub which was heavenly, then my hands, then rinsed off in the shower. We got all clean and dressed and gathered our stuff to gtfo of there. We felt so rejuvenated and we marveled at how much one day could do for you.

I cashed in a voucher for $19 from the slot machines the night before (if I ever win anything over what I put in a machine, I cash out lol). I put $10 on our favorite roulette table. So did my husband. I win $35! He loses. I put down $10 more. I lose. I wait a few turns because I'm nervous that I will lose all my money which would suck. My husband tells me to play or he's gonna play. So I go and I win again. $35! I play one more time and I bet on the 00. 0 hits! I was pissed! I knew I should have put something on both of those green fuckers. Oh well. I decide that $80 is good enough because I'm afraid of losing all that too. At least it paid for breakfast. Next time I say we will know better how to play our money. Roulette! All in all it was a good time. For pretty much breaking even, we did good - got 6 hours of play last night, lots of drinks, and only spent about $200 for room and meals. A fabulous getaway.

Ahhhh.

The Littlest Snowman

2009-02-07T21:35:00.003-05:00

You know, yesterday afternoon, I took the itty bitty kiddies outside in the front yard to make a quick snowman. I did all of the work of course, and loved every moment. My adorable little Whinocerous girl picked up snow and ate it, exclaiming, "Mmm! Delicious Snowman!"

Little Guy just tryed to crawl toward the steps to the sidewalk, up the stairs to the front door or get caught in the rosebush. He is all about living on the edge. Snow and twigs? BOOORING.

I didn't get a chance to take a picture yesterday but I took one today after it had melted a bit, so the mouth is a little wonky.

It's a cute little thing.
It takes care of the mailbox so I'm sure the mailman saw it too.
While thinking of a title to this post, a giant frozen tidal wave of nostalgia bashed me in the face and I remembered a book that I used to have my mom read to me over and over and over.

The Littlest Snowman

He was super cute and he came to life much like frosty only it wasn't because of a hat. And they made snow-friends and had a snowman and snowgirl party and they ate tons of ice cream. They even got him to sit on top of the town Christmas tree. But the temperature rose and they all melted into horrendous piles of ice cream and snow puddles. It was so sad. The snowy carnage. The poor Littlest Snowman was all alone and he melted the slowest, most agonizing torturous death. The townspeople were sad.

But have no fear! The children brought him back to life with TONS AND TONS OF ICE CREAM! (I don't know who paid for it all, but the townspeople went to serious work with the stuff) and he came back and they had some Christmas tree celebration and I can't remember all the details now but I believe after they all had fun and got what they wanted out of the little frozen fucker, there was an explosion of ice cream everywhere and all the snow was multicolored and delicious and the children of the town all ate the snow and had a good time digesting their magical friend.

I guess I'll have to get it for my daughter and read it again.
I am clearly not telling this story right. HAHA!
All I know is I loved the artwork, the cute snowman and all the snowgirls eating those cute little snow cones and ice cream.

This morning I was super tired.
Little Guy is regressing more and more and woke up 3 times for a bottle and a change of diaper in the night. UGH. Two times a night was bad enough. I don't know why he slept through the night for a week during the holidays. I thought it was just because he was sick and coughing that he was waking up but he's getting better and I know it has nothing to do with a cough. He just wants his damn bottle. I can't let him cry it out because he shares a room with his sister and she wakes up. Sigh. Spoiled brat!

But he is the supercutest. (Lucky him!) One of the happiest babies I've ever seen. At least during the day lol. Tonight before bed, he was trying to blow on my tummy like I do to him. He would lift up my shirt and put his slobbery mouth on my tummy and om nom nom....it tickled and made me laugh.

I <3 my Little Guy.

I <3 my little Banshee too.

When the Shit Hits the Fan, Go for a Walk

2009-02-06T14:12:00.005-05:00

Yesterday, my daughter let me know she wasn't being paid enough attention to in non-verbal terms.

She shit on the floor.

Yes, well, at least she's taking off her diaper now and trying, right?
Wrong.
I sit her on the potty all the time and she just won't go on it.
But yesterday I left her downstairs in the basement playroom where my computer also is, because the baby woke up from nap. So I fed him, and I started doing dishes thinking my little almost 3 year old was perfectly find watching her movie.
Wrong.

She comes upstairs with no pants on.
Then she tells me "poop".

Every fiber in my being went from 0 to 160 in 2.4 seconds.
OMG.
So I cleaned her butt and put on a new diaper.
Then I went downstairs to find her diaper.
There were the pants, the diaper inside.
Whew, ok, I thought.
I thought.
Only pee. No sign of poop.
I thought her butt looked strangely clean for a diaper poop.
OH GOD.
WHERE IS IT?
I SMELL IT BUT I DON'T SEE IT.
I look and look and look. I don't see poop anywhere in the mess of toys and books.

She comes downstairs...
"Where's the poop!??!" I say in an angry tone.
"WHERE IS IT!!!!"
She shows me.
OH MY GOD.
Poop stuck to books.
Finally, the major turd, unscathed in the corner by a box.
I used paper to pick it up and toss it.
But the books with poop.
The random toys with tiny poop marks.
Everything in the vicinity was sniffed and sorted - no poop in the toy box, poop smell in the laundry room for later disinfecting or trash, depending of the level of cleanability.
Meanwhile baby is screaming bloody murder from the high chair.

I call my husband to complain and whine even though I know he can't really do anything to help me over the phone. He tells me I really need to figure out my schedule and time management during the day. I know he's right.
I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time with them and they watch too much TV. I suck. He said any more of this and she will start throwing turds at me. FAIL.

So after I yell and scream at her not to EVER POOP ON THE FLOOR AGAIN, and a lecture about using the potty (which probably won't work), I get her and her poop feet (yes them too so gross) and myself in the shower while the baby gets put in the pen with a bottle. I get everyone dressed.

We head out in the snow on foot, baby in a camo print side sling, camo purse on one shoulder, and Whinocerous holding my hand walking beside me. We walk 3 blocks to get some contact solution and some Spongebob "crabby patties" in a Valentine's Day heart shaped box.

We head back home and stop at a local Victorian inspired coffee/pastry café. We sit down in the corner and order a giant slice of chocolate mousse pie. We share it together. I take some pictures. We have a good time.

When we got home in the burning cold wind, I let Whinocerous run around in the backyard for several minutes before she tells me she's cold and we go inside. Unfortunately at this age there is no appreciation for the near past, only crying and tantrums for the present in which I tell her it is time for a late nap. Oh well. She was out in 10 minutes.

I put baby in the pen to watch the evil TV and I proceeded to finish cleaning up the entire basement, sorting poop books and toys, cleaning them, vacuuming and whatever else needed to be done to get the place clean. Meanwhile I am wiping things with Clorox wipes and my fingers are dry and cracked and bleeding and of course stinging at that point. Misery.

So I stayed up late and played WoW which I haven't in a while because I needed an escape from the reality of child psychology and bodily fluids/solids.

Today I am tired. I tried to put them down together for a nap, baby a couple of hours later than normal, and Whinocerous, an hour and a half before, so that MAYBE they would sleep at the same time and I could take a nap too.
Baby passed right out.
Little Whino, still up there talking to herself. I already caught her playing with toys and changed her diaper. She just isn't tired I guess. I can't sleep with her still awake, it just can't happen. So here I am, typing on the internet hoping she falls asleep now that it is her actual naptime. I just hope if she does fall asleep that the baby STAYS asleep too. Sigh.

I can't wait for this weekend. Hubby and I are going to Atlantic City without the kids so I can gamble, drink alcohol, swim in a pool that they turn into a night club, have lots of sex, watch a movie, pass out for the night with no interruptions, sleep in late, and go get some diner type breakfast. That's what I want. And if I'm lucky, I'll win some cash too, but I won't bet on it. lol Get it?

The End.

Oh, P.S. They are both up now and I am devastated that I had no chance for a nap thanks to my daughter. Sometimes I don't like her even though she's mine and she's cute. Sometimes...I just want to get away. :(

Teri's V-Day Gift Ideas....

2009-02-05T12:56:00.002-05:00

and who needs candy, when you can have:

Music: What Gets Me Off

2009-02-04T21:17:00.004-05:00

It appears I've found an unexpected muse over at Sheri's World yet again. Not that I agree with all her girly tastes or anything, but I must say she just comes up with stuff that gets my train of thought moving one way or another.

Well this time she put up some music that I didn't like. LOL sorry Sheri!
Not only Sheri, but I found another blog that I simply adore, Doll Face Daily, and she had a blog a while back about getting together a group of people and bringing a bunch of their favorite things to share.
So I figured I'd just put up some of my favorite things (music related this time) for the hell of it.

U2 - "Until the End of the World"
This song was a big time favorite of mine all through high school. It's one of those haunting and sexy and tragic tunes that I love.

U2 - "Ultraviolet (Light My Way)"
Here is some concert clip I came across. Oh how I wish I could have been there. I swear I was in love with that man all throughout high school and beyond. I own so much U2 crap, you'd be scurred. (I won't blame you if you skip this one, it's some jerk who can't hold a camera steady, but I just wished I could have seen the MacPhisto show.)

Bjork - "Bachelorette"
LOVE this song, but damn if her videos aren't bizarre.
Personally I think the video takes away from the music - I get a totally different picture in my head when I hear it. But hey, she's the artist. lol

Ogi G Cash - "Colours" (Automate Vox Remix)
I couldn't find this particular song very easily since it's one of those you have to be a DJ to find it, but I found this cool site that lets you embed samples in a playlist. Make sure to listen to the Automate Vox remix otherwise, it's totally not the same song. It should already be set to that song.

Lost Daze - "Make Me Feel"
This is just another breakbeat song that I enjoy listening to.

Chemical Brothers ft. Richard Ashcroft - "The Test"
I just want to say, that I've loved this song for YEARS.
But funny thing, I've never seen the video, well, I just watched it and it kind of FREAKED ME OUT because I was seeing a few images that reminded me very much of my recent storytelling adventure - submerged underwater, walking on a beach, etc. Weird.
Anyway - THIS VIDEO IS AWESOME. Plus: If you've ever done acid, this video will make sense, if not, well...it probably won't (I won't be one of those people lol betcha didn't know that), but it's still cool.

Richard Ashcroft - "On A Beach"
I'm telling you people, Ashcroft is one of the most underrated singer/songwriters ever. LOVE HIM.

Juan Magan & Marcos Rodriguez - Bora Bora
This song is a booty shakin' song. I danced my ass off to this on a boat party last July. Play this and get off your ass and dance, bitches!

Ok I suppose that's enough for now....

I would dig some comments on this one. Enjoy!

Love Comes Tumbling

2009-02-03T23:37:00.005-05:00

Statik had been dreaming. She suddenly heard the wind again, the honest truth of reality crackling in her ears, not the muffled softness of the muted dream world she had been in. She dared not open her eyes just yet as she felt the breath of another softly on her shoulder. Adrenaline consumed her, flowing rampant from the back of her neck, between her shoulder blades, around to her chest and beating heart. Her heart...beating louder and louder in her ears. She did not yet open her eyes in order to hide her new found consciousness from the Other, but she feared her flesh would betray her uncontrollable heartbeat.

His scent was metallic and earthy. She could bear it no longer and opened her eyes. The wind blew again titillating her droplet-covered skin and she saw the night and the landscape. She breathed in deeply and turned her head to face him.

Eyes. Black eyes. His eyes held a faint golden glow, like those of a cat's. His dark hair was long and matted, his clothes torn and tattered. Bloody and dirty, it must have been a difficult journey. She marveled at his muscular physique, rugged and rusty with the rosy blush of one whose blood pumped at full power. He tilted his head to one side, his angular jaw and rounded chin prominent in the shadows of the flickering firelight. His black eyes pierced her to the core; she imagined them as the dark water she'd been enveloped in before. He did not say a word. She wondered how long he had been sitting beside her.

"You found your way," she said finally, sitting up.
The Other stared at her solemnly for a moment and said, "It became clear that all roads would have lead to where you are."
Statik mused, "I can't imagine that I am that important."
"I can't imagine why you are here then," he toyed, a black tendril of hair falling in his eyes. "Perhaps I am not so important either."
"That's not what I meant...."
"I know. I am only saying you don't have to be coy."
Statik gave her look of slight frustration, "I wasn't being coy. Just....humble."
The Other leaned in towards her, putting his hand behind her on the rock, smelling her, "I can tell that you are anything but humble and no other could I imagine sitting out here in the Desert alone like this. I have come at your beckoning." He bowed his head, more hair falling, draping over his eyes.
Statik looked up at him. The dirt on his face could not conceal the beauty of his porcelain skin; if anything they only highlighted the intense contrast of his dark hair and brooding eyes.

His head still lowered, her gaze fell upon his darkened lips, relaxed and tempting. She reached out and slid her palm against the smooth curve of his jaw and lifted his face to hers. His eyes were sad yet dangerous, beautiful yet cunning. She traced the outline of his face with her fingertips, gently, from his forehead to his ear, then slid her fingers through his tousled sable hair.

Filled with longing, he sprung to life and eagerly returned the gesture with both hands, palms gliding around her waist and neck, pulling her to him. Statik parted her lips and felt his upon her, the hot metallic moisture of his tongue against hers, shooting flames throughout her body until she was on fire. She moaned. His hands searched her everywhere, roaming endlessly; her body arching into him, burning him.

The muscular Other stood up with her clinging to him. She could not let go of his wild black hair as she tasted him again and again, wrapping her hunter's legs around him, tightening and sliding them down his body. As they neared the dark water, the wind protested but remained ignored. Statik looked behind her briefly, threw back her arms and her head and fell into the water, sinking slowly, beckoning him to follow. He grinned and did not look away from her, did not look out into the Desert, did not care where he was going. He reached out to her and dove in.

The lovers reunited, limbs entwined, tangled up in each other like branches competing for the light. Their lips locked again, tongues touching and releasing. She sucked his bottom lip, drawing it in; he bit into hers gently, tasting a hint of blood; his manhood swelled against her. She reached down to feel it in her hand, brushing against it, holding it, squeezing it, releasing it only to guide it into her.

They surfaced for air. She held on tightly as he grabbed her hips, her bottom, penetrating her forcefully. She writhed in overwhelming sweet release as he dipped in and out, wincing, taking his time and driving the moments onward. He slowed his pace as not to end it too soon, but after a time she urged him on....faster, deeper, it just isn't close enough even though you are inside me, it still just isn't close enough. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades, the muscles underneath moving, working, holding her up. He stiffened and quickened his pace, unable to resist her urging. His breathing turned to panting and he growled into the air as he began to climax. Statik could feel the swelling in her, skyrocketing her into her own simultaneous contractions.

He leaned her back over the rocks, smoothing his hand over her breast, squeezing, admiring. Again they kissed, her pouty lips blood red from the moments before. Eyes closed, cheeks flushed, she sighed through her nose with a satisfied smile. The Other collapsed next to her, weary from his new found freedom.

********************************************************************************

Ok well, holy shit! I don't think I can write any more. lol
The ball is now in ol' Irish's court now, but I believe this will be my last post in the Jaguar story. It was an interesting collaboration to be sure! (Ok, I know this kind of seems like a Wam Bam Thank You Ma'am kind of thing considering the content of this post lmao, but I am ready to go back to my own world without the responsibilities of another person's character.) I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Muah!

In case you were wondering, I was listening to Love Comes Tumbling by U2 when I wrote this.

BALE OUT!!!!!!!!

2009-02-03T22:04:00.003-05:00

This is the dopest shit out there lmao!

I am currently listening to Christian Bale freaking the fuck out remixed by RevoLucian.

MUST. LISTEN. LAWLZ.

Here's an Article

And the TMZ site it originated from with the actual clip.

What Does a Desk Say About You?

2009-02-03T10:30:00.004-05:00

Well I could totally go on my "I should have been a criminal profiler" campaign again, but I'll save it for later.

Well here is my desk. Sheri and her damn memes got me again.
She likes her desk and her cherry blossom arrangement so she took some pics of her desk. Now she wants to see everyone else's desk.
FINE.

Here it is...I did NOT dust for you.
I did not move the unsightly wires hanging behind the desk because there really isn't anywhere else to put them and if I get down there I'm going to have to sneeze because of all the dust, so just forget it. I took one with a flash and one with out because sometimes things just pop out at you based on the contrast in an image. Besides, it's not like I go walking around with a headlight on my head.

So now let's analyze. Why the fuck not?
I'll take you on a tour. I'll even throw in some commentary to show off my profiling skills (even though I already know who I am, I can still point out stuff as if I didn't).

1. Flat panel screen, remote control on desk, headphones, webcam, digital postage scale, Epson printer (it prints awesome photos but it needs ink)...this is a girl who loves her technology. Pay no attention to that white corded phone, that's for emergency...see the cordless is also on the desk too by the remote control.

2. Giant Cerwin Vega speaker cabinet on the right. If you don't know anything about sound quality, you won't appreciate this, but if you do, then you'll know that someone in this house knows how to please a finely tuned ear. These speakers may be old, but they are the best. They just don't make them like this anymore. The other one is on the other side of the room with the DJ equipment. (I am not the DJ in this house). At any rate, this is someone who is keen on music.

3. See that blue mug with snowflakes on it? Got that at the dollar store. You would think that this person likes a hot cup of coffee...and you would be right, only what you wouldn't know is that I don't use those cups for coffee because they are too big. I don't drink THAT much coffee in one sitting, because it tends to get cold. I use smaller cups and saucers for my coffee and when I'm done I get a second cup. No, these giant mugs are what I use for tea, because THAT I can drink more of faster. Don't ask me why, probably because tea has less caffeine so I can drink more without looking like I have Tourettes. Today's tea of choice is Chai Spice Tea, two sugars and half & half.

4. See that calendar on the wall? It's a picture of Yubeng, China from the Nature Conservancy. If I hadn't shrunk the picture for blogging purposes, you might have noticed that the month is September 2008. That just goes to show you how often I look at that thing. I use Google calendar more often. Even then I still miss appointments. SO if someone has calendars hanging in their house on the wrong month, it's probably safe to say that they have time management issues.

5. Book on the desk: Muffins. Yes, this is a recipe book with nothing but recipes for muffins. The first half of this book has not so exciting stuff in it. Not even really appetizing to be honest, but the last half gets better....the savory muffins sound good and the special occasion muffins too. I would love to make the rose petal muffins for V-day but where the hell do you get rose water and liquid glycerin? So this might suggest a person who likes baking or cooking.

6. Little jewel-colored boxes on the window shelf: containing rubber bands, paper clips and push pins. All this indicates is someone who likes to contain things, be organized and is also a fan of bright colors indicating some artistic nature.

7. White eyelet curtain: this is a chick's doing. Pretty simple really.

8. Feather sticking out of the pen holder. That is a young turkey feather. If you could see the book mark with a Native American dreamcatcher on it sticking in there too, you might deduce that this is someone with an affinity for Native American culture. What you wouldn't know is that when I was around 14, I was a part of a Lakota Sioux coming of age ceremony, called the Buffalo Shield Woman ceremony. It could have been just Buffalo Ceremony, but the Shield indicates that I am also learning enough that I can be entrusted to pass on this tradition to other youngsters as one who will teach them during their ceremony. I have yet had the opportunity to do so. I was doing this with a friend of mine at the time, who is half Lakota Sioux. She now resides in Lake Tahoe, CA and I couldn't be more jealous lol.

9. Wallpaper image on my my screen: some snowy mountains with a lit up town at dusk - probably Aspen or something. Some place I'd like to go to in the winter. This is a person who likes her seasons - winter with winter - summer with summer. Either they really like snow or they are slightly OCD about things matching and being in place.

10. Wedding photo on top of speaker with red toy car displayed in front: this is someone who values their marriage enough to have a picture of it still up but it's not such a serious thing that they can't mix toys with it. Since it isn't displayed somewhere like say, the living room or over a mantle (we don't have a mantle anyway but still) it is obviously not a favorite picture. That's the 3rd party perspective, but the truth is, I like the picture and all but I was pregnant and my husband has lost weight since then - so unlike most people who look better when they get married than currently, I would rather hang up something from now than then. Not to mention we are actually way cooler now than we were then too, so whatever. That's where it is. What you can't see is the Beauty and the Beast human prince doll that I chopped off his hair to look like my husband and the Neon Genesis Evangalion wedding figures that I used for my wedding cakes. LOL yes it was pretty funny. Maybe I'll take a pic of that too. Why not?

Two Eggs or One? An Unsettling Breakfast

2009-02-02T14:40:00.002-05:00

Last week, I fixed my husband a couple of sunny side up eggs for breakfast before he went off to work. I fix his first because he has somewhere to be. Then I cook mine. I noticed that he bought size JUMBO LARGE eggs, and when I asked him why, he said we could not eat so many if they were bigger. So I figured I would make myself just one.

Well, it's a good thing I did, because after I cracked it open into the pan, I noticed, I was getting two birds with one egg. I other words, I was eating what might have been twins.

I try not to think about eating chicken embryos when I make eggs, (technically in my mind, they are still only just zygotes), because they are so delicious and relatively good for you. However, I am not a big fan of JUMBO LARGE eggs because that is just too much development that I am eating. I know I know, I eat steak....but this is different. It's way too intimate when it hasn't even got eyes yet. I suppose it could be worse. I could eat Balut (don't click if you have a weak stomach), those nearly fully grown embryos almost ready to hatch, then pickled and eaten as a delicacy in Phillipines, Vietnam, China, etc.

Anyway...well I ate it up and tried not to think about it too much. Heh.

Blown by the Wind

2009-01-31T22:19:00.012-05:00

Night finally came and conquered the landscape and soon the Desert was encased in a transparent darkness. The stars crystallized in the reflection of Statik's eyes; she could not blink as she focused her attention to the growing distance. The warm wind pushed her gently, carving an invisible current through the dark toward the glow ahead.

Statik's heart pounded in her chest like the drums of an ancient war as she approached the solitary flame posted solidly in the ground. She looked around to see if anyone was here. Here in the Desert. This is the place. A half-moon of rock cradled the place where she stood, her eyes hypnotized by the flame from the spiraling torchiére. Eventually they drifted off to the peaks stretching to the West in front of her. The end of the Desert.

Suddenly, a chill raced up her spine and searing blood coursed through her veins. Her body stiffened and the hair on the back of her neck stood out in a wave of fear. She sensed an unexpected presence. She knew in an instant that she was no longer the bloodthirsty Hunter she thought she was....she was the Hunted.

She sat down with her back to a large rock and propped herself up. The only sounds she could hear were the wind and the various nocturnal creatures in the distance. Whatever was out there had not yet gotten to her. For now she was alone. A hint of moisture and minerals in the air distracted her attention from the new presence. The dusty sand and gravel scattered as she got up to seek out the source of it.

Several meters from the crescent rocks she discovered a hidden pool. An unlikely oasis, deep and dark yet somehow inviting. She lowered her hand into the shadowy liquid. It was warm.

She stood up suddenly, sensing movement in the distance. Pain and longing. Confusion and unbridled power. A chaotic and lost sobbing. Statik did not fear this being. It was powerful, yes, whatever it was, but she realized it was not a predator as she had originally thought. It was something else. Something new.

Come. Come to me.
Walk slowly. Listen.
The outside will become the inside.
Walk to the water.
Walk.

Statik walked over to the water and dipped her hand in to scoop up a handful. She brought it to her lips and drank it in quickly. A drop fell from the corner of her mouth to her arm. She went to brush it off and she stopped. She looked closer at her arm, seeing her skin turn pale. Her vision trailed off and she was surrounded by saturated colors bleeding into a sea of black water.

She closed her eyes and sunk into the water, letting the waves and currents take her down. She opened her mouth. The dark warmth poured in, filling her; she tasted red and gold. Her body floated down, limbs relaxed and her hair floating around her. An electric tingling started at her feet and surged through her legs, torso, arms, face and to the tips of her fingertips. She touched herself all over, smoothing out her skin, every sensation telling her she was still alive...and well.

She opened her eyes and could see a flickering light above her. She reached up and could see her hand still in the wavering light of the liquid she had submerged herself in. She swam to the surface and let out a scratchy guttural yell. Arms taught from holding herself up, Statik looked down at herself, wet and breathless. She took in deep breaths and laid stretched out on her back over a nearby boulder. Her spine arched and her bosom heaved upwards as she caught her breath.

A hallucination.

She let out a sigh, pressed her lips together and mouthed some pagan words she herself did not even understand. Droplets of liquid streamed ever so slowly down her figure from all sides, down the rock, down to the ground. The Desert lapped them up greedily as they reached the sand, pulling the moisture down, sucking it in, never to be seen again.

She rocked her head from side to side, waiting now for whatever was coming next. More hallucinations, more wind, more darkness.
The flame from the torch flashed and flickered in the wind.
The sobbing in the distance was gone.

Statik smiled.
It was coming. He was coming.
She closed her eyes and laughed, "COME! COME TO MEEEEEEEEE!"
She screamed a wild holler into the wind and fell into unconsciousness.

***I thought it only fair to mention that this Statik storyline has a new contender, the Jaguar-Man. A new perspective brought to you by the master chef over at Irish Gumbo. We have accidentally come together and decided to collaborate and weave this tag team story together as it comes to us. I'm excited to be participating in such and unusual creative endeavor. Cheers!

25 Things About Me Meme

2009-01-31T19:58:00.002-05:00

I suppose I'll finally make good on a tag from Sheri. She's been so sweet, I just can't say no. So here goes. A list of random crap about myself. (As if it will be that hard to talk about myself. LOL)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. Then tag 25 people, including the person who tagged you.

1. I have blue eyes...sort of...I guess they have a bit of gray and green too.

2. Like, Sheri, I also wanted to be an actress when I was a kid. But in high school I realized I was a good singer and I had lousy memorization skills so I couldn't ever remember my lines. Not unless they were set to music. Go figure.

3. I’d like to be a "real" writer. It sounds right. But where to start?

4. I have two kids.

5. I have at least 7 different kinds of tea in the house because I never know what mood I'll be in....and then of course there's the coffee...that has to be 100% Columbian.

6. I'm a food snob.

7. I eat almonds and pecans like a ravenous squirrel.

8. I still dress up for Halloween.

9. I have an ego just about the same size as Bono's, only he's better at dealing with it I think...he admits he has one and it's fine, I admit I have one and then I feel really guilty about it.

10. I hate most men's colognes. I get really irritated if I hug someone and they leave cologne smell on me when I don't like it. My husband wears Curve and I love it.

11. How someone takes there coffee is serious business. I take mine with 2 sugars and half & half....although if the coffee is good enough, I take it with sugar and a splash of cold water.

12. I read National Geographic magazine.

13. I used to install burglar alarms in apartment complexes. I was one of 2 women in the whole Dallas/Forth Worth metroplex that was in installation and repairs. It made me feel like a bad ass lol. Funny story, one guy was home when I came to install one and he actually asked me, "Are you here to announce the installers?" Like I was fucking Vanna White or something. WTF! I made sure to make a big loud production out of cutting a hole in his wall for the panel. LMAO

14. Other jobs I've had: bartender, cable/DSL (and some hardware) tech support representative, 1 hour photo lab cashier, waitress, general office temp for numerous places...and now mom. Longest job I ever held lol.

15. I have a high pitched voice and I mumble a lot.

16. I like maps.

17. I can bake some mean zucchini muffins and peanut butter blossom cookies.

18. I don't generally wear yellow gold. I prefer white gold.

19. My favorite flowers are Asiatic lilies and alstroemeria.

20. I find comedy roasts and mean slapstick (ala Jackass Kenny Rogers) hilarious.

21. I have a thing for green eyes

22. I recently discovered that music helps me write better....I've been avoiding music for a few years and I can't figure out how that happened, considering I used to do nothing but listen to music. I will try not to set aside music like that in the future as it obviously has a great impact on my spirits. It helps me focus.

23. I still retain some personality traits learned from my ex boyfriends. Weird how people have that much of an impact on your life.

24. Even though I consider myself a really good singer, I still go to karaoke bars. Although sometimes I can't help but feel like the equivalent of Emmit Smith playing in a Little League game when I do. Doh.

25. One of my irrational fears is believing I am going to blow up while driving a car whenever I see someone flick a cigarette out the window in front of me and I see it bounce under my car....I imagine it igniting my gas tank. Ack!

25 People I Am Tagging: Irish Gumbo, ChurchPunkMom, Cat (I know you don't have time for it but you can at least have the link lol), Just Me (Paige), Wild Child, RxVenomQueen (because she hasn't been around in a while and I kind of miss her), Goat and Tater, Rooked (because I think he hates me lol), and ok well I don't really know 25 blogs so that's enough for now I guess....

20 Things I Could Look Forward Too

2009-01-30T20:42:00.003-05:00

1. Travel: I love taking trips, and I would love to go someplace exotic: Thailand, some Caribbean island (aww man those Jamaican guys *drool*), Japan, Switerland, Brazil, England, Ireland, Galapagos....I want to go all over the place. That would most definitely be something to look forward to.

2. My dream home somewhere near mountains, with trees and fields and not too far of a drive to the beach. I can't be landlocked no matter how much I think places like South Dakota and Montana are freaking awesome. I am in love with the ocean.

3. A latte with a friend in NYC - I don't know which friend cuz I don't have many anymore, so anyone will do.

4. Getting to know new people on an intimate level. I absolutely adore establishing meaningful relationships and feeling like I can make someone happy in some way or another. I like to read people, discover, and give them something useful or meaningful so that I might enrich their lives somehow, whether it be through the arts or through words or in more extreme approaches, with a soft touch.

5. Having a traditional cup of tea in China.

6. Camping

7. Going to the beach - as many as I can!

8. Dancing the night away

9. Watching my kids grow

10. Going on dates that end in sex lol

11. Getting my hair cut and liking it

12. Getting a manicure/pedicure AND a massage all in one day

13. Going to school to be a pastry chef

14. Eating cornbread

15. Eating a delicious gourmet meal at a nice restaurant

16. Meeting Bono and saying something that interests him

17. Singing with Phil Collins

18. Writing a book

19. Meeting Megan in person and plotting our attack on the Irish Chef (lol)

20. Drinking a glass of my grandma's sun tea at her house in Texas and enjoying her company

Executive Level Snowball

2009-01-30T17:43:00.000-05:00

"Lover, You Should Have Come Over"

2009-01-30T11:03:00.007-05:00

Jeff Buckley fans catapult ‘Hallelujah’ up charts in response to X-Factor single

Fans of the late singer Jeff Buckley are celebrating his return to the charts after starting a campaign to make his version of Leonard Cohen’s ‘Hallelujah’ the Christmas number one.

The Facebook campaign began after it was announced that the X-Factor winner, Alexandra Burke, would be recording a cover of the cult track as her ‘winner’s song’.

After only several days, the group has attracted over 100,000 members, and Buckley’s track has reached number three in the iTunes chart, just three places behind the X-Factor version.

Buckley’s cover of the song has garnered a great deal of critical acclaim since its release 14 years ago; Leonard Cohen, who originally wrote ‘Hallelujah’, preferred it to his own version, Q Magazine voted it one of their ‘Top 10 Greatest Tracks’, branding it “as near perfect as you can get”, and Rolling Stone included it in a list of the ‘500 Greatest Songs of All Time’.

Buckley, who died in 1997, has attracted a huge cult following – including many celebrities. Robert Pattinson, star of Twilight, recently spoke of his wish to play Buckley in the planned biopic Mystery White Boy, whilst Brad Pitt has previously expressed a desire to help produce the film.

Despite hoping to knock Alexandra from the number one spot, the campaign founder Lucy Powell stresses that this is not an attack on the X-Factor winner. “I just wanted to make it clear to people that there was already an amazing version of ‘Hallelujah’. I didn’t like the idea of a song whose lyrics and melody I have found incredibly moving being used to sell records by whichever competitor won a talent contest.”

Whatever the end result, supporters of the campaign have sent a clear message - by managing to chart Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah’ an incredible 14 years after its release.

And now the song that has moved me many years over and over.

"Lover, You Should've Come Over" lyrics by Jeff Buckley

Looking out the door i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And i'm much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage i've done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Have a listen, you won't be disappointed.
"So Real" is another one of my favorites.
www.myspace.com/jeffbuckley

RIP Jeff, you are sorely missed.

If Only Tonight We Could....

2009-01-29T23:04:00.007-05:00

Tiny flecks of grit and sand blasted Statik's legs as she walked steadfast deep into the red velvet dunes of the Desert. The warm gusts of wind whipped her hair against her cheek and stung her salty lips. The sun had vanished in the dusky horizon leaving only the sensuous traces of red, gold and blue followed by the warm black of the night ahead. Twilight was Statik's favorite time of day. Suspended Desire. The beautiful intense colors you can get only after the sun has set but night has not yet grasped it's claws upon the Earth. The same beautiful intensity you feel just before a kiss, a first kiss. That kiss that takes years in a single moment to start. Staring, wondering, not surely knowing, wanting, hoping, praying, longing, needing.....until you have to close your eyes so as not to go mad. Heart racing, short of breath, then a fingertip brushes your neck. A gasp escapes your lips from both pleasure and the pain of waiting....and your breath gets quicker....you open your eyes and see that face that haunts your very soul. You see it move ever so close to yours....

It's as if the night was casting a spell. Statik's heart raced the farther she walked on, farther into the Desert, farther from civilization, from people, from noise, from eyes and ears. She knew what was out there. Out in the middle of Nowhere.

She saw her destination before her. A vast, flat, sleeping field of sand and occasional dry brush. Jagged, darkened peaks jutted out in the distance, an echo of giant obsidian spears that must have made the Earth scream in agony as they came forth from the depths. A solitary flame from a torch hovered above the ground a mile ahead. There it is, she thought heavily, He must be there now.

With every footstep, the sky grew darker and darker, the spell casting stronger and stronger. She could smell the dust of sand and stone, the musky hint of moisture released in the air as the earth beneath her relaxed from the heat of day. Almost there.

The wind whipped through her hair again, sending the pin-straight whisps fluttering about like flags upon mountain tops. It felt good. The raw power of the wind, driving her on, no regrets. The wind cannot regret. It doesn't have to. It is expected to flow into your life and to move you, then disappear again...perhaps again and again, perhaps not. Her walking boots crunched the ground as she walked on. The noise of it surprisingly muffled in the deafening quiet of the Desert. Statik took a deep breath through her nose and closed her eyes. I'm coming.
I will be there.

....to be continued....

What the F is a Meme?

2009-01-29T00:22:00.002-05:00

MEME frome the Daily Meme - BLAM! There you go. Definition. Sort of.

Oooohhhhh so THAT'S what it is!
I copy someone else's stuff and do what I want with it and then make it my own and nobody cares and it's not plagiarism because it's encouraged. Gotcha.

Ok.

Anyway....here's some more shit that made me LOL for some dumb reason.

I Guess I'll Join the Wordless Wednesday Crew

2009-01-28T23:24:00.002-05:00

But only for the last 30 minutes of the day.
Oh whoops, there's some words....oh well. FAIL.
Enjoy:

This freaked me the fuck out:

On A Beach

2009-01-28T13:39:00.007-05:00

Tubes. She woke up in an instant. Her eyes switched on and opened wide. The icy blue iris cracked open as her pupils shrank in the white light. Her body was cold and wet and gray. She imagined for an instant that she was laying on a slick brushed steel gurney, her dark brown hair splayed out like a water-tossed clump of seaweed.

She was not in a teal colored room with white sheets and metal medical tools.
She was not under a cold burning white lamp with tubes coming out of her mouth and various body parts.
She felt rough sand scratching against her shoulder blades, digging into her hips.
Her pinky flickered. She could move, barely. She scraped at the sand with her tiny fingernail. A bit of grit slid beneath. She coughed up water and sucked in the air greedily and hastily letting out a sharp wheezing sound.

As she caught her breath and whisked the water from her tear ducts, she noticed she was on a secluded beach, palm trees to the left, a mile of flat beach and occasional boulders to the right. It was early morning, the sun just coming up. No footprints in the sand.

Statik looked down at her legs stretched out in the sand. She stared at the random specks of multicolored sand stuck to her skin. Normally she would try and brush it off, but didn't feel like it this time. Tugging at her soggy white linen shirt and shorts, she thought to herself, I should be wondering where I am. But I don't care.
She smiled a half smile. I don't care where I am. For all I know this is Utopia. She threw her head back with a pleasurable smirk and felt her damp hair pulling at her scalp like massaging fingers caressing her, soothing her, relaxing her.

She sat up and admired the turquoise vista coming to life in full color with the sun. Nobody around. Just the sound of the ocean waves, bristling and simmering onto the shore in thin bubbling layers. The moment was fleeting.

Surely she must try and get some bearings. Find out what, where, why and how she was here. Life wasn't so bad that you could just forget and forgive that quickly, was it?

Her thoughts shook out of her brain like droplets of water, disappearing in to the sand. Sinister. Without a trace. Just like the story of her arrival. Last she remembered was walking along the city beach, pissing and moaning to herself about going home to an empty bed.

Now she was here. In a solitary paradise. Perhaps an oxymoron.

Statik furled her eyebrow in faint attempt at remembering anything from the night before. She couldn't even remember what she was doing before she fell asleep. Crisp, cool white sheets, wrinkling and bunching as she tossed and turned and slid her hands along their folds. That was the best she could do.

Dreaming. Am I dreaming?
Is this a dream within a dream?
She stood up to look around, feeling slightly woozy, the same feeling one gets when they have been turned on, tortured and teased, then left hanging from afar. A tiny pulse of electricity between her legs distracted her momentarily as she squeezed her thighs together to stifle the sensations. This is no time to be feeling horny. Where the fuck am I? It's nice and all, but what the fuck?

She touched the sand. It feels real.
She touched her chest. It feels real.
She screamed. It sounded real.
She felt the pulsing between her thighs again. And again.
Leading her thoughts, she smoothed her hand across her crotch, hoping to either make it go away or stimulate it more - either might do.

Her mind strayed to the past. A dark rainy night, tail lights in the foreground, yellow lines on the road eaten up as if the car was PacMan in first person. Stay in your lane. Driving down the road, led by passion, led by the heart strings the size of ropes, led by intense yearning, the carrot of fulfillment. Hungry for the touch that ignites the flesh, swelling desire scorching and licking it's way from the inside out. The taste of blood on a tamed hunter's lips erasing all inhibitions, all delays, all the years of collected memories, all logic, all wisdom. Ensnared in a feverish tempest of anxiety and excitement, the car drives on, into the night, over the Flatlands, the Desert. There is no turning back now, she justifies herself. There is no turning back. It waits, ever so patiently for your arrival. In a dark doorway, in a dark house, in the shadows, it is there. It. Lust. Satiation. Forbidden Fruit. Lifeblood.

But not love. It's not love waiting in that secluded hole in the Desert.
It's nothing but a Release. Turn back. Go home to Good Love. Go home to Safety. To Boring. You are Lucky. You're one of the Lucky ones.

Statik shook her head as if something was stuck in her ear. Again the sounds of the beach reminded her that she was in a different time, different place. "Having nine lives could be worse, I guess." she said.

She woke up in an instant. Her eyes switched on and opened wide. The icy blue iris cracked open as her pupils shrank in the white light. She looked over at the alarm clock that she never used and noticed the time: 7:34am. She flopped back down on her pillow. The sunlight flickered through the curtains as they moved in the breeze.

Feels like the winds have changed direction this morning. Perhaps it's time to go for another walk to the water. Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk....
I'm ready to let you in....whoever you are. Just come to me again. I'll let you in. Just ask me to let you in.

This is Chinese Thinking

2009-01-27T21:45:00.002-05:00

I've been all gung-ho Chinese New Year today.
I even put up bright red and gold Chinese new year wall scrolls with blessings in calligraphy on each side of my interior front door.
I read a few blogs about the way things are done, and yes I know that it was actually yesterday, but still....I felt like celebrating too.

One such lucky tradition is to eat well or eat lavishly to start the new year out bountiful so it will also end that way.

So I decided to go out and get some red bell pepper, some chicken legs (cuz they are cheap and payday isn't until Thursday) and some sweet & sour sauce to cook with. I already had fresh pineapple at home as well as a huge back of sushi grade rice. I originally had to go to the store for baby formula and bread and TP for my bunghole, but I added a few other ingredients for my meal.

My husband has class on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He gets home late, around 9.
Regardless, I still cook dinner for everyone and just save a plate usually.
SO I figured, yum yum, must make Chinese.

He calls me to ask what's for dinner at one point.
I tell him.
He doesn't like that I paid with a check, thinking it may bounce or something.
I am not worried. I know that it takes them at least two days to submit and process that shit, and that includes both the store AND the bank. Plenty of time before payday, no? Whatever....I am not worried, in my book, he shouldn't be either. And that's all I have to say about that.

Later on after the meal is cooked, the kids are in bed, snug and safe and sleeping soundly, he comes home and proceeds to eat his meal. Before I started blogging just now, I ended up in a tiff.

The rest of this story, I have already told a friend, a fellow mom and blogger that goes by the name of Church Punk Mom. Here is our AIM conversation:

ter1byte: I am back
ajnkjsmom: :-)
ter1byte: AAAnyway
ter1byte: I don't know why I'm in such a bitchy mood but I am
ter1byte: so where was I
ajnkjsmom: pms?
ter1byte: I've read some Amy Tan books before
ter1byte: I'm smack in the middle of my period, maybe it's that
ajnkjsmom: prob.. that's when it hits me
ter1byte: and I was thinking in Chinese....and of course he doesn't know that, buy I know it because I 've read my Amy Tan and I've learned a few things about Chinese etiquette etc
ajnkjsmom: yeah
ter1byte: so he's talking about what he did in class, which is cool, but then he starts stuffing his face again and not saying much of course....but what do I do to continue the conversation?
ter1byte: I say, "You would have failed at a Chinese woman's dinner."
ter1byte: He's like "What?"
ajnkjsmom: lol
ter1byte: I am already making myself laugh
ter1byte: I'm loling for realz over here and I'm sure he's wondering wtf yet again
ter1byte: so anyway
ajnkjsmom: lol
ter1byte: I repeat this nonsense, because that's what it sounds like in retrospect
ter1byte: and he says again, "WTF are you talking about?"
ter1byte: then it gets worse
ter1byte: I try to explain
ajnkjsmom signed on at 9:36:54 PM.
ter1byte: explaining doesn't work with him and I...and the reason is because when I start explaining, it comes out too slow
ter1byte: and then he gets impatient and makes a comment
ter1byte: and that usually pisses me off
ajnkjsmom: lmao
ter1byte: so I start to explain, "Well, if you were at a Chinese woman's dinner, you would be going on and on about how great my cooking is and how this is the most wonderful meal you have ever eaten."
ter1byte: and he doesn't let me finish and he says, "I'm too busy eating."
ajnkjsmom: :0
ter1byte: Which is ALSO a good comeback because that would mean he likes the food....so of course even though it COULD BE a compliment, it makes me mad anyway because I was right in the middle of bitching and you don't compliment someone who is already bitching...
ajnkjsmom: ha!
ter1byte: BUT this is Chinese thinking, that you are supposed to LOVE the cooking and say so....and I didn't get a chance to say that....so now here it looks like I'm some old Chinese woman standing in the kitchen holding a damn spoon, mumbling to herself about a rude dinner guest.
ajnkjsmom: lOL
ajnkjsmom: brb.. kids freaking out.. need to put them to bed.. j's upstairs working :P
ter1byte: Then he says, "You know what...?" as if irritated, and then I ask WHAT WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY? And nothing. Just keeps eating. IGNORING ME NOW?!?!? OH HELL NO, IT'S TIME TO PUT SOME LOTION ON MY HANDS TO SOOTHE MY POOR DRY CRACKLY SKIN AND SHUN THE DAMN DISHES AND GO GET ON THE INTERNET TO BITCH SOME MORE. To you, Church Punk Mom. Thanks for listening. BUT he comes down here and starts fiddling with the internet saying it's too slow and this and that and wants to restart the router right in the middle of my conversation with you which ticks me off again and so I write to you where I know he can see what I am typing, "he wants to restart the router right this very minute" and I do so with a loud clack with each. single. keystroke.
ter1byte: Which starts me off on another bitchy tirade, etc etc etc.
ter1byte: So yeah....I think you're right. I'm belated PMSing or something.
ajnkjsmom: LMAO
ter1byte: I think I'm gonna post this on my blog. It's just too crazy not to document this.
ajnkjsmom: definitely ;-)

Into the Night

2009-01-27T13:57:00.006-05:00

She walked along the midnight beach, barefoot, floating and weaving in and out of the line where the water kisses the sand. The sky was dark and endless but the beach was illuminated by an unnatural sickly blue. The glow from some distant fluorescent radiation and the pollution of city lights bathed the sand in a cool ashy white blanket. The cold water on her skin sent chills through her body, goosebumps coming and going with every other step.

What was she doing out here so late, all alone, hair falling in her face in the night air? She looked up at the skyline and felt her heart sink in her chest like a dead weight as she admired the warm glow of the nearest skyscraper. What a marvel. That man can build and build and design such innovative structures. But for what? To house? To provide for? No. These glowing giants in the night do not serve families. They serve money. They serve bastions of egos. They are phallic symbols of man's desire to be recognized for their appearances with the extra pride of being utilitarian as well. Yet she is still in awe of them, regardless of her penis envy, regardless of her half-attempts at feminism.

Statik may do as she pleases, she may follow her whims, she may even be so bold as to say "tell me I can't and I'll show you I can", but she knows her place as a woman. Not that she's saying "there are just some things a woman can't do." It's more of accepting that there are some things a woman doesn't HAVE to do, or rather, why bother doing other than for the sake of proving to men that she can? It's not enough women give childbirth and bear the emotional brunt of catastrophes, family affairs and tragedies? Hospital visits, doctor visits, caring for the sick and wounded, wiping noses, sweeping floors, writing thank you cards, making homes warm and inviting, sheathing a hard working man's cock in the night so that everything is right in the world again....that's a tough job. Does she really have to open a jar of pickles alone? Does she really have to squish that bug? Does she really have to carry a briefcase and wear shoulder pads? Does she really have to refuse a man opening a door for her? Does she really have to wear a uniform and go to war? Must she give up the old ways of fainting spells and not finishing her plate?

The answer to these, Statik muses, is NO.
Being Politically Correct is Bullshit. Seriously, aside from equal wages and voting, the Feminist movement didn't do much for her than eliminate the 70's era kind of tolerance for boorish Man-Pigs.

It is a good thing she wore black tonight.
This way she can blend into the horizon as just another strange silhouette and be left alone. Leave me alone tonight.

As she walked on, the chunky buildings looming in front of her twinkled in their dull, fool's gold kind of way. Unimpressive and sparkling, the artificial lights establishing their nocturnal presence seemed such a waste, considering the center of the city was abandoned after 6pm most days and left as hollow beacons. Just another territorial marking on the face of the planet.

She looked down at the creeping waters, bored and restless. She tired of teasing the ocean with her bare skin and decided to head home. Perhaps tomorrow she would find a way to release her carnal yearnings. For now, she must go home, tie herself to the bedpost and bear the call of the sirens one more time.

Welcome the Ox!

2009-01-27T11:18:00.005-05:00

Chinese give Year of the Ox a noisy welcome

BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese welcomed the arrival of the Year of the Ox with raucous celebrations on Sunday, despite gloom about the economy, setting off firecrackers in the streets and sending fireworks into the sky. Celebrations were expected to carry on into the early hours of Monday, officially the first day of the Lunar New Year.

Year Of The Ox (Cow)

1913, 1925, 1937, 1949, 1961, 1973, 1985, 1997

People born in the Year of the Ox are patient, speak little, and inspire confidence in others. They tend, however, to be eccentric, and bigoted, and they anger easily. They have fierce tempers and although they speak little, when they do they are quite eloquent. Ox people are mentally and physically alert. Generally easy-going, they can be remarkably stubborn, and they hate to fail or be opposed. They are most compatible with Snake, Rooster, and Rat people