Sadness and Shopping

I'll try to keep it short and sweet and devoid of emotion.



1. He wants to leave.
2. I am sad.
3. I want him to go to therapy.
4. He will go to therapy.
5. He will probably move to the city.
6. I wish he would stay with me but maybe I'll be better off getting through this without him around.
7. He is confused.
8. The kids will miss him.
9. I miss what he was 2 years ago.
10. I have been told to take $100 and to spend it on nothing but what I want/things for me.

And now for some emotion:
This feels like your heart trying to leap up your throat as if you could swallow backwards...with waterfall eyes.

Here is us in progression:


2004


2005


2006


2007

What the hell is today?

Often times, I forget what freakin' day it is.
Today is.....uh.....Wednesday!
That's it!

What's going on today?
Taking babes to the doctor's office to make sure the 2 year old's ear infection is gone.

What else?
Enjoying a cup of Chai tea with milk (all out of soy milk which tastes better with chai).

What else?
Getting my arm chewed on by the 4 month old and covered in love-slobber.
Baby hickies are cute.

Hey look at this frog....NICE HAT!


Well here's a funny joke:
"I hate it when old people come up to you at weddings and poke you and say "You're next!"
Well now I do the same thing to them at funerals."


LOL

Just Another Day in Paradise

After a sunny day with my family and a cold shoulder from the one person that matters lately, I made us talk. And talk. And although I haven't gotten any answers other than, "not sure" and "confused," I am more certain that what I feared is true. The outcome is still to be determined, but if the good level of openness displayed tonight is not continued and the silent crappy attitude of the previous few days resumes, I'm afraid I will lose my will to fight for what we have.

I cannot go on in life feeling unwanted, unwelcome or miserable in any way, whether on purpose or not. I give credit for honesty, life conditions, a complicated personality and realization that certain thoughts and actions will be seen as selfish or stupid in the eyes of others.....but do I really want to "win" by the toss of a coin or just being the "flop" that seems to be the direction that this flip flopper more often than not flops to? Not really. I want and deserve to be wholly wanted, loved and appreciated....not just an avoided mistake.

Despite all of this crap, I know he cares for me and loves the kids.
I wonder if talking to a 3rd party will help us or just delay the unavoidable. I imagine if the worst case scenario presented itself, it would be recommended to see someone. We shall see.
I hope it's avoidable. Really and truly though, I just hope to be happy.

This talk helped my current condition.
I no longer feel trampled on....if anything, I feel a little sturdier knowing from what I will be growing from. Knowing your bearings is a good start no matter what the situation is.

A flower that blooms in adversity is a prized flower indeed.

If I were a Flower

A flower cannot possibly bloom its best if it is constantly trampled on.

In other words......I'm not happy.

I am legally blonde

Yup - I had my hair dyed a week ago.
I'm blonde for the first time ever!

Check it out!







Jeez....I'll have to get pics of me with make-up on soon LOL

Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Happy birthday to my husband.
I gave him his bday present early today....a freakin' Wii!

We've been playing it all day on his comp day home from work. LOL
Now he's playing Metroid Prime 3: Corruption



He's so excited.
And me too...Mario Party was fun but watching him play this game is actually enjoyable since it's action packed and has puzzles. :)

Anyway....haven't blogged in a while.
Just been home. Pregnant.
I think I'll bake a cake tonite for his birthday. Yum yum butter recipe yellow from the box. I am obsessed with batter and so I'll probably lick the bowl and the spoon and probably stick my fingers in there before I pour it out too....lol

I swear I'll eat anything batter.
Cakes, Pie dough, cookie dough, pancake batter, tortilla dough, corn muffin mix...you name it! I love my uncooked baked goods! LOL

Dunecat

Every:One @ Soma Memoirs

Batman Revealed

God, I love Batman....



It's not necessarily the actors in the movies and I've never even read the comics, but I just love the idea of Batman.I could even go so far as to say that the idea of Batman even turns me on. Although, casting Christian Bale (one of my most favorite actors to lust after) as my favorite all-time character ever created was a recipe for winning my affections, or if you want to get raunchy about it, causing me to cream my pants.

A funny thing though - I can not imagine that if I were face to face with a Batman, I would not be inclined to have any sexual relations with him despite my swooning and desire to be close. He is altogether untouchable and unattainable and this could possibly be one of the reasons I adore him so much. He is what I can never have and my god is that sexy.

Another aspect of this self-analysis is that I sometimes feel that I don't necessarily want to be WITH him, but sometimes I want to BE him. I feel as if I could be that dark, brooding, do-gooder. I would want the money, the intelligence, and to be constantly in that state of preliminary romance and desire that lead up to a lust-filled, sultry, dangerous and nerve-wracking first kiss. That feeling of suspended desire that you can only get from that first mutual tender moment between two people who desire each other and are just now realizing it, moments before their flesh is allowed to alight on fire and fuse together with a touch, a kiss, an embrace, exploring the new, eager body of the other. This Batman never seems to have a lasting relationship and is continuously thrown into dark, nocturnal encounters of this sort.

The other factor is his alter-ego's wish to have a lasting relationship.It seems, I used to be this Batman-type nocturnal creature, working my feminine magic on new encounters but my Bruce Wayne has finally won me over and I wish to have a lasting relationship. To have love, to have a family and a future.But I will never forget the feeling I got when I thought of myself as a sultry vixen, a woman not to be reckoned with, a woman whom many found irresistable....I felt dark and powerful - I felt excited and alive with each first suspended moment before each new encounter - only temporarily satisfied after each conquest was completed - the thrill of the hunt - the neverending chase for that "fix" of ensnaring the desires of another. It wasn't necessarily the outcome I craved, but that moment that another human being decided to want me. I was never satisfied.

Eventually, I stopped feeling powerful from these encounters and I felt more like a victim than a vixen. I began to discover, or percieve, that the attentions I received were not of a person wanting me as a whole, but only wanting me as an unemotional, organic receptacle. I was not beloved, I was used. As used as those that I had ignorantly used for quite another reason altogether in the past. I had realized my just desserts. My own thinking destroyed my alter-ego. I had been living a fantasy designed to crumble in upon itself.

I am not really a vixen on the inside.
I am a lover, a feeler, a sympathetic soul designed to latch on to one person and devote all of my love and attention to.

I am not an independent rogue seeking conquests and gain. I am a needy partner seeking companionship and honesty.

I am not a badass. I am a comedian.

I am not chained to my woes. I am a free spirit flying like a butterfly from whim to whim.

I am not a flawless image of perfection. I'm a moody, happy, crabby, silly, bitchy, giving and selfish person....I'm a human and I make absolutely no sense to anyone but I make perfect sense to myself. Sometimes.

So yeah. Batman is the shit. Unless you anaylze his history.
I'd have to say that in my opinion, one's Glory Days aren't really very glorious if you think about it.

Humuhumunukunukua pua'a

JUNE 25, 2006


Well, I'm back from my week-long trip to Hawaii! It was a great time. Even though Al was at the conference for most of it, it was a good time when we got to do things together. The hotel was beautiful. The Rennaissance Ilikai Hotel. The pool over looked the boats docked on the shore and beyond was the ocean. There were palm trees and exotic tropical flowering trees and bushes, hibiscus, and you could smell the fragrant leis made of plumeria hung around the necks of visitors. The drinks were expensive but tasty and nice to look at with the fresh cut of pineapple and cherries. The water in the ocean was bright blue and green and on some days you could see your feet in the course, crushed-coral sand even though you were up to your chest in salt water. Snorkeling in Hanauma Bay was fun, peaceful, exciting, and kind of scary all at the same time. The fish were amazing but the choppiness of the ocean that day made swiming near the giant coral somewhat frightening since it could cut up a person with help from a crashing wave. The state fish is really fun to try to say out loud: Humuhumunukunukua'pua'a.



Fun stuff!

The Food
Here are some of the highlights.

Wailana Coffee House

Well, this has to be the most awesome place to get breakfast anywhere. First of all, it is a family diner with the most efficient server-staff ever. They were like machines! Most of them were older women of Polynesian/Filipino/Japanese descent, and the service was amazing. There was one lady by the name of Jo who served us that stood out because of her quirky way of giving food nicknames. A few examples: "Would you like some caffeine with your cholesterol?" "How would you like your eggs destroyed?" "I brought some sticky for you," and she puts down the pancake syrup. "Here is a little decor for your table," and she puts down the jars of jams and marmalades. Aside from all that, the food was great. The hashbrowns perfect, the "all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast" might has well have been called "3 Pancake Breakfast." They served fresh pineapple spears and fresh papaya which we devoured immediately. The coffee was perfect, not too strong, not bitter. We ate there almost every morning.

The Chart House T

his place was the highlight meal of the year. The appetizer was a real crab cake with fresh crabmeat served over a pasta with this amazing pink cream sauce I believe was made with guava or soemthing like that. It was great. Then we had oysters on the half shell - also fresh and delicious. Al ordered Garlic-Marinated steak, which came with garlic mashed potatoes and some vegetable medley. One bite of the tender cut of beef made our eyes roll up into our heads with ecstasy from the garlicky goodness. I ordered the Spiny Lobster Tail which was the best tasting lobster tail I have ever had the pleasure of tasting. I too had the garlic mashed potatoes and soy beans with carrots. It was not only fabulous food and never-ending refilling your water service, but we were on the deck just outside the main room with a view of the boats, and the ocean immediately before us with a palm tree right next to our table just outside the railing. The breeze from the ocean cooled our faces and during our meal out of nowhere a fireworks show began exploding just to the left of our already beautiful view, immortalizing the magic evening forever.

Todai

This was a Japanese buffet restaraunt which served sushi, rolls, customized stir fry and desserts. It was interesting choosing from all the sushi rolls, including one called "ocean salad" but unfortunately we had to get back to the hotel for a session of the conference and so I had to grab a quick bite of pineapple and a pineapple tart from the dessert line as we headed out the door.

L & L BBQ

This is one of the local Hawaiian dives that we stopped at while on our excursion around the island in a crappy rental Tracker when we stopped in Wahi'wa to visit my friend Deyja. From what I heard from several people was that the equivalent of Philly's staple Cheesesteak was Hawaii's staple Plate Lunch. The plate lunch was usually two scoops of rice, one scoop of macaroni salad heavy heavy on the mayonnaise, and your choice of BBQ meat. The teriyaki steak (Teri Steak) had a great flavor (sweet and salty), the other meats wre chicken, ribs (cut across the bones so that you had meat surrounding 3 or 4 button-shaped bones rather than cut between the bones so that you have whole rib bones). Or you could have Mahi Mahi or fried shrimp. It was a fusion of Chinese and Polynesian cuisine that had been scaled down to a fattening BBQ type joint basically. I would have to say that I was not really impressed other than that the teri steak's flavor reminded me of how my Filipino step-mother made her steaks at home.

Shrimp Farm

On our way around the island in our crappy Tracker, we saw amazing views of the ocean and the misty mountains, but one of the well-known finds on the road that surrounds the island is the fresh shrimp farm trucks. That's right. Shrimp from a giant trailer. They had a tank full of big shrimps swimming around that they would catch, de-head and boil right there for you. It was amazing. We ate the shrimp with nothing on them and it was the freshest shrimp ever. They didn't even taste fishy, Al said. That was a pleasant stop.

The Dixie Grill

The outer exterior of this place was that of a red barn and they boasted the best crabs and BBQ/southern food around. I had to try it! They had chicken fried stead on the menu and I was filled with nostalgia from Texas. I ordered the BBQ chicken and brisket, Al had the chicken and ribs. They were amazing. Well, the chicken wasn't that great, but the brisket was something I haven't tasted in years since I lived in Texas. They had their own BBQ sauces, 6 different kinds! I liked the Memphis style and the Hawaiian style. I bought two bottles of each. The hush puppies were awesome and they had these yams that were not orange in color, but a pale yellow! They were freakin great too! FYI - Hawaii has purple yams too.....neat!

Well, Al and I had a good time and we took lots of video and pictures.

Hopefully I can get some of those soon - I have to develop mine and get them on a Cd and Al used a digital camera so I might get his first. My dumbass packed my 800 speed film in the bag that I checked on the plane so I'm hoping that the X-Ray didn't ruin the film. *crosses fingers* If so, at least I have my memories. I did plenty of shopping and got some tropical print skirts, keychains, a Hawaiian shirt for my dad and Al bought our friend Lucas a grass skirt and coconut boobs just like he wanted. THAT is a picture I must get up here hahahaah! Aloha and Mahalo to you all - but honestly I'm glad I don't have to hear those words or stupid ukeleilis anymore. The Hawaiian language is so primitive sounding and all the street names all sound the same! I really enjoyed how nice everyone was though. Al and I wondered if perhaps it was just for the tourists, but no! The cab driver was nice, the young guy at the Adidas store in the mall was really cool, the lady on the bus was friendly and they all talked to you and seemed generally interested in where you came from and what you were up to. I imaging they like to get news from the mainland other than CNN. It was very refreshing though, apart from the ukeleli music in the touristy places. The reggae music was great. But when we got home I asked Lucas to tell me to fuck off so I could feel like I was home again. He obliged and I squealed with delight and gave him a hug even though he was wearing those goofy coconuts that we got him.

Kitty

This was one of my favorite Looney Tunes cartoons ever!!!!!

Housewarming Pics from earlier this year

And now, I finally post the house-warming photos.
What a great time!

Kira, Allison & Jon


Lucas & Phyllis - getin the party started!


Oh yes, I love my custom Jenga game.
I get to put lipstick on Imri!




Party Crew must go home sometime....
Jay, me(hiding), Steph, and Blair....and right after they went out the door I was puking in the bathroom. Doh.


The Jenga game found the morning after.

Bad Dreams

This was a post from earlier this year transferred to this blog:

Last night I had a dream that we took Al's truck, which is primer gray, to Los Angeles. We were going to be guests in a tv show audience. Then we were at a six flags type theme park where we got on a roller coaster - Marilyn was on it too and she cried. I think we were stoned too which was supposed to explain why we kept going on it so many times. Finally when I realized Marilyn was crying, we had to get off and go to the truck. It took a second to figure out where it was, but when we got to it, it was all covered in graffiiti. Apparently the primer gray was too irrisistable a blank canvas for graffiti.

Then I woke up and realized Marilyn was indeed crying because she had woken up.

Secret Lover

It is dark in here.
Dark in this room. Dark outside.
Dark in my head.

There isn't much to see, really, but the wind....
Oh how the wind is teasing me, flirting with me,
oh so dangerously

I stare out the window for a moment
I stop and ignore what dances outside
The wind calls to me, insists on my attention,
The leaves have no choice but to rustle my name
The wind says so, and so it must be
But I pretend to ignore it still

And then it happens.
He comes in my open window
He caresses my face and slides over my shoulder
My arm prickles with delight at his slightest touch
So I look....and he is gone again

You have my attention now
And you have faded away
I listen for your sound
But even the trees do not betray you

At least not for long
I hear them give you away again
But you do not come to my window
I let out a sigh
I knew you would do this to me
I tried to ignore you but.....
...you sly devil....you blew me a kiss.......

You can be so gentle, so sensual
Like a lover's breath exploring each curve
Thank you for being such a gentleman tonight
As I sit and type
And trail off to bed with a knowing smile upon my face





(Yes I just wrote that off the top of my head - I know, I'm so good)

Animated Me

Too Many Cats

My Top 10 Favorite Alcoholic Beverages

If you MUST know my alcoholic preferences, here are my top 10 many mood-dependent favorites:


1. Brandy Alexander (cold nights, sweet tooth, or in the mood for creamy beverage - sometimes I'll accept a brandy & coke if there are no other mixers just to get the warming sensation of brandy with a good mellow buzz)


2. Frangelico & Baileys w/cream on the rocks (when I'm not in the mood to get wasted and want something tasty)


3. Don Julio or Herradura (añejo) Margarita on the rocks - no salt (when I wanna get crazy and a gooood buzz - this usually leads to dancing and flirting unless I'm in a bad mood, then I talk shit like I'm bulletproof after 3 or 4)

..
4. Piña Colada with Parrot Bay coconut rum (I'm allergic to Malibu for some reason  - this drink is for when I want to chill out with family or friends at a restaraunt usually or on vacation)


5. Jack & coke w/lemon (to get fucked up, of course - this is my bad girl drink)


6. Red Bull & Kettle One Vodka (Stoli will do) w/splash of ginger ale or sprite (to get wasted AND stay up late)


7. Pinot Grigio white wine spritzer (for drinking on hot summer days outdoors, which isn't very often - I just discovered this drink actually)


8. Red wine (usually Merlot or Shiraz - for when I'm having red meat, italian food, staying home to watch a movie or when I want sex)


9. I don't do shots really anymore,  but if you make me, I'll choose a shot of Jack or a Lemon Drop


10. Mojito (for when I'm feeling exotic or in the mood for some minty freshness) - oh yeah that limey, sugary minty drink is sooooooo yummy....I haven't had one in a while. Not many places have the right ingredients to make it properly.

But since I'm pregnant - I can't really enjoy any of these for a while....le sigh.





In other news.....look at this!!! lol
what will they think of next!

Marilyn vs. Teletubbies

Marilyn is watching Teletubbies for the first time today.



It seems that whenever the baby sun comes on and starts making laughing screamy-baby coos, Marilyn gets pissed and starts screaming back. It is quite possible that the baby sun is a smart-ass jerk and we adults just didn't know it.

....


lmao!

whatever.

haha

How To Cut a Mango

Simply Recipes - How To Cut A Mango