Quotes: Stolen but Funny

I totally stole these quotes frome someone else's blog.
I had to have them, so I stole them.
Enjoy!


Random Quotes from a School

// Economics class
Mr. Zack: Utility is something you can't put a number on. For example, I like cheerios more than corn flakes. You can't attatch a value to it.
John Sherwood: 3.
Mr. Zack: *long stare* This is why I drink.

// During AP Physics lecture
Students: What's that piece of rope dangling from the ceiling?
Dr. Dell: It's a noose.
Students: What's it for?
Dr. Dell: Actually, it's really cool, but I can only show you once.

// History, simulating Napoleon's trial on whether he was good or bad; Russia is the witness
Prosecution: Okay, Russia. *holds up a map* This is a map of your territory. Now when Napoleon invaded, where did he touch you?

//
Mr. McFaden: *walking through a chattering class, very quietly* Sex.
Class: *keeps talking, does not notice*
Mr. McFaden: *still very quietly* Extra credit.
Class: *perks up* Did you say extra credit? What?
Mr. McFaden: From a biological standpoint, that's just WRONG.

// In the middle of Spanish, Brendan passes a note to Nolan
Nolan: Sra. Pou, I think you should read this note Brendan passed me...
Brendan: No! I didn't write that!
Sra. Pou: (reading note to class) "Tu madre es gordo y homosexuál". Very well done, the note is even in Spanish! You even put an accent in homosexual! Now, the only thing wrong with it is it should be gorda, not gordo since it is tu madre, which is feminine. Muy bien!
// Sra. Pou hands note back to Nolan, Brendan sighs in relief.

// Discussing Shakers in HUM
Boris: Wait, there are still Shakers in America today?
Ms. Maeda: Yes.
Boris: The ones that practice celibacy?
Ms. Maeda: Yes.
Boris: ... How are they still around?

//
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

// From Michael Yura's LAN Party FAQ
Q. Will there be any bonfires?
A. Sorry Anise, there will not be any bonfires available at my Halo 2 party.
Q. You suck.
A. Please make your insults in the form of a question.
Q. You suck?
A. No, I don't.

// Mr. Forbes is doing a brief intro lecture on electricity
Forbes: So of the four fundamental forces of the universe, electricity is the only one we can do much with. Anything an electron can do, we can /make/ it do.
// Power goes out
Forbes: So as I was saying, we are the MASTERS of electricity!

// In Physics class
Mr. Bagden: I'm holding a number up behind my back, whoever guesses closest gets to do the demonstration. Evan, you're first.
Evan: Uhhh... five.
Mr. Bagden: Ok, Galen?
Galen: Seven, I read a book that says the number is always seven.
Mr. Bagden: I'm only holding one hand behind my back.

// There's a big *bang* as the lightbulb in the projector explodes when Dr. Cammer turns it on. Everyone screams and Dr. Cammer is cowering in fear, holding his stomach. Everyone stares at him.
Dr. Cammer: Well, you know, you hear these stories about students shooting their teachers...

// Day before the snow day, when everyone was anxious for the snow to start
Mr. Pollet: Is it snowing already?!
Max So: YEAH! *runs out of the room*
Mr. Pollet: Is that all it takes to get rid of him? If I had known that, I would have said it in early September.

//
Mrs. Bello: Conversation is an essential skill. Does anyone disagree?
Student: *timidly raises hand*
Mrs. Bello: Do you want to elaborate?
Student: No.

//
Mr. Nawrotzky: In the first column, there's your grade, in the second column, there's how much money you gave me, and in the third column, there's your revised grade.

//
J: Wow. I got owned by a math test today.
K: What was it on?
J: Like, everything. Here's a sample question: If three students run the mile, given the fact that it was 87.5 degrees that day with a wind factor of 78*34^4.56-8, and one of them was hungry, and one of them has asthma, what are their middle names?
K: Ouch.

// In Mr. Stueben's PreCalc class, taking a quiz. 5 minutes until lunch.
Mr Stueben: *stares at the clock*
Mr Stueben: ...
Mr Stueben: *Takes clock off the wall, turns it five minutes forward* Alright, it's time for lunch! Turn in your quizzes!

//AP US History
//Mr. Sleete talks about funny AP US essays he has graded for College Board
Essay: Okay, I know absolutely nothing about this subject, but there is a really hot girl sitting across from me, so I need to keep writing in order to look smart. I am going to tell you my life story....

// French class
Substitute: Okay, everyone.. I only speak English, but your teacher left me a note to give extra food to those who speak the most French.
Nicole: (in French) Fuck this.
Substitute: You there! Nicole, is it? You seem enthusiastic enough... More food for you!

// Taken from a student's personal information sheets handed out by Dr. Jones on the first day of class
Form: Please list three characteristics that describe yourself.

1. indecisive
2. __________
3. __________