Friday, June 06, 2014

I Wonder If Lil Jon Has Life Insurance

So I've been looking into getting life insurance and had been filling out the health questionnaire, when I realize that if I tell them I smoke a cigar occasionally (like 2 or 3 times in a whole year), the cost of even have insurance becomes kind of ridiculous. So really, do I even get considered a "user" if I barely ever smoke them? And seriously, I'm not a smoker beyond that. Never picked up a cigarette in my life, nor do I want to.

This led me to do more research.

I found all kinds of questions about this matter on the internet, ranging in topic from marijuana use to cigarette smokers who think a few cigarettes a week don't count. (LOL people, really?)
Turns out, if you lie on your life insurance application and you die from possible related causes or they discover traces of cotinine and nicotine, then OOPS, YOUR BENEFICIARY PROBABLY GETS NO MONEY. You know that $500,000 you get when your husband dies? Nope. He lied about those occasional habits.

Sucks, right?

Granted, I would most likely be considered for a non-smoker's policy because I'd show no traces of cotinine in my physical and it's WAY less than 12 cigars in a year, but still. This whole insurance seems more and more scammy to me the more I read up about it.

Is it a bad time to get individual life insurance?
Do I want to pay an insurance company to breathe down my neck for my celebratory habits?
Not really.
Would it be irresponsible of me to go without life insurance?
Maybe, but only if I died.
If I pay a lot of money over the years to a term policy and I don't die, will I get any of that money back?
Fuck no. sure costs a lot extra to be judged on your life doing anything like smoking cigars, seeing the world and skydiving. It's like, hey! You can't have any fun unless you have money. Not only to do all those things, but to be covered by insurance to do them too! Who says money doesn't buy happiness? Rich people. That's who.

So what if you just like to get fucked up all the time and bang bitches and sing about it all over the world or whatever shit hole you get booked at? TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!?!?

I bet you anything, Lil Jon doesn't have life insurance.
It would cost a fortune to cover that muthafucker.
I could be wrong though. He probably can afford it, but that begs the question: if you have all this money already, do you even need coverage?
Maybe just as an alternative to a savings account, only you don't get any interest back.

I think I'm just going to work on my savings account and hope I don't die any time soon.
What a relief that decision is!
Thanks Lil Jon. I couldn't have done it without you.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Facebook is the Usurper of Time (and probably your soul)

Facebook has been consuming my mornings.
 It's awful.

  • My coffee gets cold.
  • I get nothing productive done.
  • I even spend my time doing fun things and thinking about how I can paraphrase and write about it on Facebook later.
  • My personal pictures and daily quips are fueling the ad revenue for whoever the hell owns it now.

 This has to stop.

 I'm going back to blogging.
 I can say whatever I want and I can post whatever I want in a nice aesthetically appealing way.


 And anyone can check it out...
 And maybe I'll even put my own ads up so I can make money off of my own words and pictures and then I can afford a season pass to the amusement park of my choice for the summer!!!! YES!!!!

 That is if they don't fuck it all up with the Net Neutrality bullshit coming our way.

 And if you haven't heard about Net Neutrality or would like an entertaining yet informative breakdown on what that means for us, I'll let Jon Oliver tell you all about it.

Monday, January 04, 2010

Raisinettes Count As Fruit

Fruit Antioxidants plus chocolate therapy!
Now if only it was easier and just as cheap to get some chocolate covered raisins with less processed chocolate. I could google it but I'm lazy and already eating these so MEH.

I'm still suffering from what the central Texans in Hill Country refer to as "Cedar Fever" allergies. Whether those insufferable Juniper trees and their nasty pollens are the culprit, I am not scientifically sure, but what I do know is that I haven't ever sneezed this much with itchy eyes in my life and I grew up in Texas! It is said that you can develop an allergy to that stuff if you live around it for 20 years (which I have) and so it makes sense to me.

Either way....this fucking sucks!
I used the last of the Children's Claritin for myself (that's right! Kids come second this time, Mommy needs to be able to function!) but I'll get some more later today. Kids don't seem to really be suffering like me.

I'm all out of my Breakfast teas (both English AND Irish varieties!!! NOOOO!) so I'm trying this Carrington stuff that my friend brought over for a December Tacky Tea Party I held. That was cool, I even made an awesome spinach bacon and cheddar quiche with the crust from scratch! (Yes, awesome.)

I'm hopped up on vitamin B, C and calcium and all I have to say is I better get over this crap soon because my husband bought Blue Moon beers and I have yet to have one! I just can't drink alcohol if I'm "sick", it lowers my immunity. Booo.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

A Resolution I Intend to Fulfull

New Year's Resolutions for me are usually some self-improvement kind of goal, but this year, or rather last year a few weeks ago, I decided my resolution would be to finally contribute money to PBS. I've been watching them for years and now rely on them as an essential tool in my business of mommyhood and now that government has cut funding for them, I feel like a total jerk that I enjoy their programs without paying a dime for them.

Construction workers have drills and hammers and screwdrivers. They pay for their own tools if they are contractors.
Every office pays for office supplies.
I don't have TOO many arts and crafts laying around for my kids but when I need a break and I don't want my kids watching explosive seizure-inducing commercials for toys and cereals burning holes in their brains, I put on old PBS and I trust Big Bird and Cookie Monster, Clifford and Curious George to entertain them while I have a cup of coffee or take a shower.

I figure I could send a check in thanks for all those much needed cuppas and trips to the water closet.

Thank you, PBS.

2014 Update: I still haven't donated.
I'm a horrible person.

Blue Dye = Brilliant Green Poop

My son has been pooping a brilliant green key lime poopie paste lately and my only suspect has been the Froot Loops I've been feeding him thanks to Daddy bringing home what was on sale one day. Now he prefers them over all else even to the point of boycotting breakfast altogether. Grr...but that's another story entirely.

Well, it happened again today so I did a little Google research and found this shitty site that I've found once or twice before.

Imagine my knowing smirk when my suspicions were confirmed as the Poop Report explained "scientifically proven" assertions that FDA Blue #5 turns your poop bright green if enough quantity is consumed. Well, Froot Loops contains only Blue #1 and #2 but I'm willing to bet two blues make for green poo too.

It doesn't hurt my theory that my son likes to pick out and eat the blue ones either....

Unfortunately I know very well Froot Loops is not a smart choice for my young son, but after this box, I'll be switching back to multi grain Cheerios or Kix or something. If he doesn't eat it, he can just be hungry until lunchtime when he can either eat what I make or tantrum his way out of another meal. I figure he will eat if he truly gets hungry. That's enough (green) crap out of you, mister!

Oh yes, and if anyone who used to read my blog noticed I've been silent since October 09, hello again. I guess I finally have stuff to say now that I've weened myself off of facebook. :P

Friday, July 31, 2009

Massacre in my Driveway

I'm am exhausted from shopping today with the kids. nap....drove to Jersey for a toddler bed off craigslist....then Target for extra shit that was cheaper than a grocery store and stuff for the beach. AND THEN......

When I got home I knocked the damn laundry detergent on the ground and it spilled all over the driveway. I scooped up as much as I could with my hands and put it back in the bottle. I don't care about dirt, I mean that shit gets washed away anyway. AND THEN.........

I took Al's shorts from when he got Pacific poison oak in California and sopped up what I didn't scoop up and I hand washed them twice in that manner. So I went to rinse off the driveway with the hose I noticed hooked up in the garage and there was fucking bubbles and suds everywhere! AND THEN.......

The hose leaked from the faucet and got all over Al's weight bench and the floor so I had to clean that shit up too. WTF. Stupid Purex.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I would say something witty here or maybe write 5 paragraphs of pure awesomeness with a side of bacon-flavored analogies, but the child that doesn't want to take a nap (probably because I won't give him milk and has a bottle full of water) is screaming his head off and I couldn't possibly concentrate long enough to do that.

But I thought I'd pop in and say hi.

Where have I been?
Who would ask that? I fear this blog is dusty and forgotten like ruins in the Congo.
I've been busy and not busy and a bit apathetic to blogging lately.
Maybe I'll get back into it later when I feel like writing random shit.

But until posts will be as random and sporadic as my brain wave patterns.
So I leave you with a quote:

"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." - Ayn Rand

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

CANADA! I'm not even

HAPPY CANADA DAY! And I'm not even Canadian.
But I like Canada and I play online games with a Canadian.
Therefore, I can say happy birthday to Canada since I've been there once and know it through 2 degrees of separation.

Happy Birthday, Canada!