Friday, February 06, 2009

When the Shit Hits the Fan, Go for a Walk

Yesterday, my daughter let me know she wasn't being paid enough attention to in non-verbal terms.

She shit on the floor.

Yes, well, at least she's taking off her diaper now and trying, right?
I sit her on the potty all the time and she just won't go on it.
But yesterday I left her downstairs in the basement playroom where my computer also is, because the baby woke up from nap. So I fed him, and I started doing dishes thinking my little almost 3 year old was perfectly find watching her movie.

She comes upstairs with no pants on.
Then she tells me "poop".

Every fiber in my being went from 0 to 160 in 2.4 seconds.
So I cleaned her butt and put on a new diaper.
Then I went downstairs to find her diaper.
There were the pants, the diaper inside.
Whew, ok, I thought.
I thought.
Only pee. No sign of poop.
I thought her butt looked strangely clean for a diaper poop.

I look and look and look. I don't see poop anywhere in the mess of toys and books.

She comes downstairs...
"Where's the poop!??!" I say in an angry tone.
She shows me.
Poop stuck to books.
Finally, the major turd, unscathed in the corner by a box.
I used paper to pick it up and toss it.
But the books with poop.
The random toys with tiny poop marks.
Everything in the vicinity was sniffed and sorted - no poop in the toy box, poop smell in the laundry room for later disinfecting or trash, depending of the level of cleanability.
Meanwhile baby is screaming bloody murder from the high chair.

I call my husband to complain and whine even though I know he can't really do anything to help me over the phone. He tells me I really need to figure out my schedule and time management during the day. I know he's right.
I spend too much time on the computer and not enough time with them and they watch too much TV. I suck. He said any more of this and she will start throwing turds at me. FAIL.

So after I yell and scream at her not to EVER POOP ON THE FLOOR AGAIN, and a lecture about using the potty (which probably won't work), I get her and her poop feet (yes them too so gross) and myself in the shower while the baby gets put in the pen with a bottle. I get everyone dressed.

We head out in the snow on foot, baby in a camo print side sling, camo purse on one shoulder, and Whinocerous holding my hand walking beside me. We walk 3 blocks to get some contact solution and some Spongebob "crabby patties" in a Valentine's Day heart shaped box.

We head back home and stop at a local Victorian inspired coffee/pastry café. We sit down in the corner and order a giant slice of chocolate mousse pie. We share it together. I take some pictures. We have a good time.

When we got home in the burning cold wind, I let Whinocerous run around in the backyard for several minutes before she tells me she's cold and we go inside. Unfortunately at this age there is no appreciation for the near past, only crying and tantrums for the present in which I tell her it is time for a late nap. Oh well. She was out in 10 minutes.

I put baby in the pen to watch the evil TV and I proceeded to finish cleaning up the entire basement, sorting poop books and toys, cleaning them, vacuuming and whatever else needed to be done to get the place clean. Meanwhile I am wiping things with Clorox wipes and my fingers are dry and cracked and bleeding and of course stinging at that point. Misery.

So I stayed up late and played WoW which I haven't in a while because I needed an escape from the reality of child psychology and bodily fluids/solids.

Today I am tired. I tried to put them down together for a nap, baby a couple of hours later than normal, and Whinocerous, an hour and a half before, so that MAYBE they would sleep at the same time and I could take a nap too.
Baby passed right out.
Little Whino, still up there talking to herself. I already caught her playing with toys and changed her diaper. She just isn't tired I guess. I can't sleep with her still awake, it just can't happen. So here I am, typing on the internet hoping she falls asleep now that it is her actual naptime. I just hope if she does fall asleep that the baby STAYS asleep too. Sigh.

I can't wait for this weekend. Hubby and I are going to Atlantic City without the kids so I can gamble, drink alcohol, swim in a pool that they turn into a night club, have lots of sex, watch a movie, pass out for the night with no interruptions, sleep in late, and go get some diner type breakfast. That's what I want. And if I'm lucky, I'll win some cash too, but I won't bet on it. lol Get it?

The End.

Oh, P.S. They are both up now and I am devastated that I had no chance for a nap thanks to my daughter. Sometimes I don't like her even though she's mine and she's cute. Sometimes...I just want to get away. :(


  1. Teri Teri Teri- You need this SEX trip in a bad way. I feel you. I hear you loud and clear about the shit in the toys, and on the floor. I deal with shit like that all time! I Hate it! I seriously live from one sex trip to the next. It's all I have to look forward to. While your kids will one day move out and get married, mine will still be shitting in the corner. I love them though. I just wanted you to know I HEAR YA SISTER!

  2. Teri:(snort)My dear(giggle), it's good that it didn't really hit the fan;that would have been worse.(giggle)

    But, yes, GO ON THAT TRIP. I think you earned it! :)

  3. I'm-a goin'!
    TGIF is all I have to say!

  4. Oh, Thank God!!! I'm not alone.. I love my daughter with all my heart.. However.. There are those days when I want to just get in the car and drive away, leaving my dear daughter to whine herself and her father into comas.. :):)~

  5. Whinocerous, too cute for words. As I say about WC 2 (and said many times), "It's a good thing she's so damn cute." You can use your imagination.

  6. Oh my, you do need this trip!

  7. "Unfortunately at this age there is no appreciation for the near past, only crying and tantrums for the present..."

    This is true at 25 as well as 3.