Tuesday, December 02, 2008

All I Ever Do is Bitch

Well, I'm pretty good at bitching, but I don't want to come off as just a bitchy person.
Really I can be nice. I thought I was nice. WTF!

I thought, well I could be a comedian, all they do is bitch about things on stage. And the more you relate to a comedian's bitching, the harder you laugh because usually relating to negative or nonsensical commentary has a direct correlation on one's perception of how funny a person is. Whatever.

For example, if I were to say to you, internets, that I had a daydream the other day while my toddler was screaming to me from the bottom of the steps "JUICY! JUICY! JUICY!" - meaning "I want juicy right now this very second" - and in this daydream she was indeed yelling at me like in real life only I walked over to the top of the steps and I chucked a juice box at her head and it knocked her backwards on her ass.

If you can relate to the annoyance of your beloved flesh and blood in miniature form screaming demands at you, then getting past the initial "how can you want to hurt a child" thing melts easily away. Then horrible ideas like punting your children across the room (or anywhere away from where you are) sounds like a hilarious forbidden pleasure. To someone who doesn't have any idea what it's like to be around a toddler AND ALSO FEEL OBLIGATED TO LOVE AND PROTECT THEM, which sometimes feels like conflicting interest or rather an oxymoron, I don't know that they would laugh as hard as another mom. So...LOL BITCHES! I totally cracked up in the kitchen while I was pulling that juice box from the fridge while my husband wondered what the hell I was laughing about all alone then I walked ever so nicely down the stairs and handed it to her and told her not to spill it. The little sweetheart.....LOLOLOLOL

Oh yeah...so about the bitching thing. I was going to bitch about how PayPal sucks a big one not only for not allowing joint accounts or being able to use the same bank account as another PP user even though it's MY joint account, but that my husband's PP has been flagged erroneously by their automatic "system" and can't send instant transfers for who knows how long, because *GASP* he has a suspicious pattern of sending money to people! ROFLCOPTER. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF PAYPAL? Hmmm.....let me think.......OH I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE TO SEND FUCKING MONEY TO OTHER PEOPLE?!!????????????????????????????


The best part is that once the system, and I quote the guy, "feels" that your account should be flagged, there isn't even a way to manually override the thing. Now I don't know about you, but I'm not so sure I feel comfortable letting a system that can "feel" handle my money. Especially since it is obviously PMSing. Fuck you, PP. I might as well go back to sending checks.


  1. I love bitching, reading bitching, talking about bitches. So no worries. PayPay can "feel"? Oh my god, it's happening. The computers are taking over the world. Once they control the money, we're all goners.

  2. LOL Love the post! I don't have kids, but am an Aunt to quite a few kiddies and find your posting about Juicy Juicy JUICY hilarious! As for Pay Pay sucking - I totally agree! They also suck too much money out of the transfers for their "compensation." Pshh I use them only when I absolutely have to.

  3. JUICY!!!

    lol, i love it. but then, you know i'm twisted like that. ;)

    and oh... don't even get me started on stupid paypal.. grr... freaking tards.

  4. Never, NEVER send or spend money on the internet.
    You might as well dig a hole and throw money down it.

    Same thing.

  5. I do what I wawnt!